Why Chinese People are so Skinny

Place: Hong Kong SAR

Language: Cantonese (Chinese)

Hello: Néhìh (knee high)

Thank you: M gōìh (mm goy)

I've been pondering this question lately. Like French women who don't get fat, the Chinese have managed to find a way to stay perpetually skinny. The only exception, of course, is sumo wrestlers, but they get paid to consume vast quantities of food to sustain their 5,000 calorie/day diet.

Therefore, I have made it my mission to get to the bottom of this. Perhaps Jenny Craig should hire me to help with their weight loss programs.

1 - Chinese television sucks. Seriously, the programming on the Chinese channels are either animation (think Pokemon), very bad Chinese soap operas or fashion runway shows. Now, it may actually get better if I could understand what they are saying, but nonetheless, it is clear that there is no such thing as couch potatoes here.

2 - Everything is small, like:

a) Apartments. Marc and I live in an 800 square foot apartment, and comparing it to the other places we saw, this is one of the bigger floor plans. Many extended families cram 7-8 relatives in an apartment smaller than ours. If they all weighed 140 kilograms, trust me, they wouldn't fit.

b) Furniture. In order to fit in the small apartments, you need small furniture. The only dining room table that would fit in our eating area is 33 inches across. Try fitting everyone's plate and all the fixin's for a Southern meal on that bad boy. I've tried, it doesn't work.

c) Beds. This is a separate category from furniture. Most people here have either a single bed or a double bed. There are very little queen size beds, and even fewer apartments that can accommodate a queen size bed. And don't even get me started on King and California King size beds. Good luck trying to find one or getting sheets for it. (I guess you could have them custom tailored.)

When we were apartment shopping, we liked this apartment, but the second bedroom had a wardrobe that took up an entire wall. We had to have the landlord remove the wardrobe in order to fit a futon that folds out into a double bed. Now that we moved in, the futon fits snugly into the corner.

Folded out into a bed, it takes up the whole room. We asked ourselves whether the futon was designed to fit a standard room this size or whether the room was built to fit a standard double bed with no wiggle room. We decided to focus on the chicken and egg problem instead.

3 - Transportation. Most of the time, my transportation is my two gams. The proximity of shopping, restaurants, market, pharmacy and the super-important Japan Store (think Chinese Big Lots) makes getting to where you need to be easy, as long as you don't mind walking. Like New York, this town is meant to be traversed by foot, hence the escalator.

And in the middle of the summer, when it is 95 degrees with humidity at 80%, you get a cardiovascular workout every time you leave your apartment. I think they may be onto something....

4 - Clothes. You can always get your clothes custom made, like Marc has (see previous post). However, if you go into any clothing store here, like H&M or Zara, be prepared to #1 not understand the sizes (I think they use some sort of modified European sizing chart), and #2 even if you are able to decipher the sizing code, the sizes here don't go any higher than say a women's petite size 4 that has been shrunk in the dryer. Asian clothes are not made for Puerto Ricans with hips, that's all I have to say.

Each Hong Kong apartment comes with a combination washer/dryer that holds approximately 2 1/2 pairs of socks and an undershirt per load. And no one uses it. Instead, everyone goes to any of a dozen laundromats located within a 2 minute walk from their apartment where a Local's grandma does your laundy. Somehow, the concept of some stranger folding your skivvies doesn't faze anyone here. For what they charge, I've come to terms with it too. The prices are based on the total weight of laundry. A typical load of laundy here at our household weighs about 7 pounds and costs about $2. It's a good thing we are small people because bigger clothes would weigh more and quite possibly cost a whopping $5/load.

5 - Meal portions. If you ever saw that movie Super Size Me, you know that the U.S. is the only country with Super Size Value Meals and Biggie Slurpees. When I go grocery shopping, the biggest package of ground beef is about 1/2 pound (200 grams). Drinks like milk, juice and soda, come in small containers, usually 1 liter (which is 1/3 of a gallon). There is no such thing as Costco or Sam's Club either, so you can't just stock up. Not that there is space in your kitchen or fridge to stock up anyway.

Which brings me to another related point, you have to get out of your apartment, walk to the market and buy groceries more often (see #3). I go about every few days.

6 - Market Shopping. The disparity in the prices of things never ceases to astound me. Rent, cars and fuel can be prohibitively expensive, while knock-off goods and custom-made items are very reasonably priced if not downright cheap. Similarly, restaurants are a dime a dozen here. We live close to SoHo (south of Hollywood Road) which is known for its trendy shops, restaurants and bars. On one street, there are restaurants with just about any cuisine you can imagine: Italian, Chinese, Ethiopian, Lebanese, Western, Argentinian, Mexican, Indian, you name it. Most of these restaurants offer prix fixe meals with 3 courses for about $12 (US). It's incredible how diverse the cuisine is and just how inexpensive it is to eat out. (This doesn't really support my theory about slim Locals, but bear with me. On second thought, perhaps MSG is a secret fat-burning molecule, must explore further.)

However, grocery shopping is different story. I haven't yet ventured to the wet markets which are farmer's markets with vegetables, meats, fish, spices, etc. because I need a translator but I hear they are pretty cheap. The Wellcome supermarket and Maxim bakery which are conveniently located downstairs from the apartment are where I go to stock up on food. Now, I fully concede that I do not buy many Chinese foods and instead end up buying things with labels I recognize: Jiffy peanut butter, Tropicana orange juice, Kraft mayonnaise, which cost more because they are imported. So, in addition to having smaller portions, the food also tends to be more expensive that in the U.S. (about 50% more expensive on average). If I were to make something more complicated than just simple chicken and rice or pasta, it would just be cheaper to eat out! Crazy logic, I know!

And you also have to get your grocery purchases home, without a car. So you are limited to what you can carry home. Compounding this dilemma is Tuesdays. See, I learned the hard way that Tuesdays is "No Plastic Bag, Thank You Day" at Wellcome. In an effort to be environmentally friendly, on Tuesdays, Wellcome doesn't give out plastic bags to carry your groceries home, so you have to bring your own shopping bag or pay a small amount for each plastic bag. Judging from the Locals' shopping carts, they don't buy much food and come prepared with their own shopping bags. Less food = less they have to carry home. Smart.

Finally, the selection of food in the grocery store is enough to make me give up eating all together.

Fish:

No, your eyes are not deceiving you, those are fish heads, complete with scallions and peppers to make your very own fish head soup.

Chicken:

Or rather, chicken toes. Mmmm, mmm, good!

And the popular local delicacy:

Black skin duck, complete with head and beak (see bottom of carton).

Now, if you'll excuse me now, I'm going to go toss my dumplings.