Don't Tell My Mom I Shot an AK47 in Vietnam!

In keeping up with our adventurous and slightly dangerous (in a calculated risk sort of way) travel style, we continued our tour of duty in Saigon by visiting the Cu Chi Tunnels. In the words of my mentor, Dave Barry, "No, I'm not making that name up."

The Cu Chi Tunnels is an underground tunnel network over 200 kilometers in length that the Viet Cong (the guys in the North) used during the Vietnam War. These tunnels are not for the claustrophobic or metabolically challenged. Here is a series of pictures showing our really skinny Vietnamese tour guide going into hiding:

See that hole in the ground about a foot long and maybe 5 inches wide?

That's right, he's going in it. Yes, this is a real life person, not a mannequin.

Then he pulls the lid over his head and PRESTO CHANGE-O, he is invisible. Seriously, you can't see him or detect that there is a trap door even if you were standing as close as we were.

Man those guys were sneaky. They would hide in these tunnels for weeks at a time, doing all of their business (and I do mean ALL of their business) without even alerting nearby troops of their proximity. Then, all of a sudden, they would pop out of their hiding spots and annihilate the enemy. We even got to go into the tunnels to see what all the fuss was about. Well, I say "we" but I really mean Marc, Andy and me because Aleks wussed out and wouldn't go in. I don't know why, it's not like they were cramped quarters or anything. Maybe she got freaked out by the fact that these tunnels have been carved into the ground and survived for decades despite erosion.

Look, even the shorties had to kneel down to get through! Seriously though, I don't blame Aleks, it was really dark and creepy in there. I can't imagine spending weeks in there with dozens or even hundreds of men waiting to attack.

In the middle of the thick jungle where the war was taking place, these hiding places made the Viet Cong practically invincible. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is when the Americans started dropped bombs. When you can't see who you are fighting, just blow the whole dang place up, right? Here is a crater left by a B52 bomb, it's big.

So, we had heard from one of Marc's colleagues that after the tunnel tour, you could go to a gun range and shoot off all sorts of guns, including AK-47's which are illegal in the US! He claimed that they even let his 14 year old son shoot an AK-47. We were psyched to hear about this. So, not to be shown up by some punk 14 year old, we all decided to give it a go (well, everyone except Aleks again), because seriously where else can you fire one of these bad boys? Mom, close your eyes.

Yes, you heard him correctly, he wants to use the automatic setting. So, I show him how it's done. Check out my face before I fire, it's priceless!

And not to be outdone, Andy joins in on the fun while Aleks soils her pants behind her gun-toting husband (excuse the expletive at the end).

Adrenalin pumping and considerably lighter in the wallet (man those bullets were expensive but totally worth it!), we got back on the bus to head back to Saigon. That night, we went to a fancy schmancy restaurant as a wedding present from Andy and Aleks.

The food was excellent, the ambiance elegant and everything was going so well until we went out to a bar for a nightcap and I started getting some serious hot flashes -- and it wasn't even hot outside! I was seriously thinking I was going through early menopause until all of a sudden, I dashed to the bathroom and proceeded to throw up the entire lovely meal we just had. Ugh, no fun. Man, I have no idea what happened but after the purge, I felt much better and thankfully, no one else seemed to have been affected the same way. Bedtime for Brina...

The next day, we checked Reunification Palace off our tourist sites to see checklist.

It used to be the White House of South Vietnam until the North won and drove tanks through these front gates to claim it as their own. Can you imagine having your Cheerios one morning and all of a sudden a huge tank comes barrelling through your front yard? The war was officially over after that.


We had some fun inside the Reunification Palace which is just a museum now. Here I am ignoring the rules and basically being a total goof-off. The sign on the desk is a bit small, it says "Don't Touch the Object." Luckily, we didn't get kicked out as visiting a Communist jail cell is not high on my list of things to do and places to see.

We putzed around the city for the rest of the day and the girls capped off the day with massages at the massage parlor next to the hotel. Wow, what an experience. We walked into the building and were led upstairs to a dark, open room where there were about a dozen people sitting in chairs with their masseuses contorting their bodies into positions I didn't know were possible! These little Vietnamese women were even walking on people's backs! It was like walking into the set of a really strange movie and wondering how you stumbled in there. Nonetheless, we sat for our 1-hour massages which were tame by comparison. I guess you really get the full treatment with the 2 hour deal. Relaxed and happy, we went back to the hotel to pack up for the trip back home.

When we arrived in Hong Kong, it was Marc's turn to get sick, so I played tour guide while he slept his bug away. Aleks, Andy and I went up to the Peak where Andy had fun with the light exposure settings on his camera. Check out the ghostly effect:

Aleks and Andy enjoyed the rest of their trip in Hong Kong while Marc and I had to work during the week. They did all the cool things to do in Hong Kong like Stanley Market, Dim Sum, shopping for camera stuff, Jade Market, trying a Chinese herbal medicine shop, seeing the wet markets up close and personal, the Laser Light Show and lots of other cool stuff that you can experience if you just come visit!*

*This ad is brought to you by the Sabrina and Marc's Campaign to Get Their Friends and Family to Visit Hong Kong, in conjunction with "Wow, We've Been Here for a Year and Only Had One Set of Visitors," a subsidiary of "What Are You Waiting For? Do You Need Us to Gift You Some Airline Miles?"

Goooooooood Morning, Vietnam!

Place: Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon), Vietnam

Language: Vietnamese

Hello: Xin chào (sin jow)

Thank you: Cám σn (come on)

As I mentioned in my Observations for First-Time Visitors to Asia post, the first brave souls to come visit us in Hong Kong were my friends, Aleks and Andy. Aleks was my roommate in law school and Andy is her husband. They are both Polish and love to travel just as much as Marc and I do. When I told her that I was moving to Hong Kong and would love to have them visit, they were quick to take us up on the offer despite the warnings about our "guest closet." Although they have traveled extensively through Europe, they had never been to Asia and boy were they in for some culture shock!

Aleks and Andy planned on a 2 week vacation and, hiring Marc and me as their travel agents, we planned their itinerary as follows: fly into Hong Kong and spend the night at Hotel Liner; depart the next day for Ko Samui and spend several relaxing days on the beach getting $5 massages; spend one night (or 2) in Bangkok and explore the city; meet Marc and Sabrina in Vietnam for some high intensity adventure travels; and finally round off the trip exploring Hong Kong for a few days. Yes, it was a whirlwind trip but I think they had a great time despite having some serious jetlag for the first 2-3 days. (Yes, we helped them out with our "secret weapon" but it still caught up with them in Thailand when Aleks almost fell asleep in her soup during dinner.)

[By the way, if you are thinking of hiring Marc and me as travel agents for your Asian adventure, let me warn you: we don't come cheap. We accept all forms of payment including Western toiletries and invitations to travel with you to other places in Asia.]

But alas this is blogsite is about Marc and Brina's Adventures in Southeast Asia, so let me fast-forward to the Vietnam portion of the trip:

We chose to visit Saigon because of its proximity to the Mekong Delta. Despite valid concerns of malaria, dengue fever, all variations of hepatitis, typhoid fever, Japanese encephalitis and amoebic dysentery, I wanted to see the villages that depend on the mighty Mekong for the daily needs. Having already been immunized for most of the aforementioned tropical diseases, we started our malaria pills 2 days before the trip, continued them throughout the trip (as well as our subsequent trip to Cambodia) and for a month thereafter. We also applied mosquito repellent with 98% DEET (who knew there was such a thing?) as if we were albinos applying 45 SPF sunscreen in Ecuador. Thankfully, we remain malaria-free 3 months later.

Arriving a night before Aleks and Andy, Marc and I were able to explore a little bit of the city and get our bearings. Vietnam was colonized by the French in the mid-19th century and consequently, it feels very much like a European city. Much of the older generation still speaks French; there are fantastic French restaurants all around the city; and some of the architecture is definitely European. They even have a Catholic Church named Notre Dame Cathedral. It is like a mini-me of the original:

Despite the European influence, it is still an Asian city and a communist country after all. I will admit, it is a bit strange to see the communist symbol of a hammer and sickle on flags lining the streets.

I will never fully understand the country's affinity with its venerable (and now deceased) leader, Ho Chi Minh, or Uncle Ho as the locals affectionately call him. His portrait is everywhere, including the main post office (see above pic) as well as the currency. Even though Saigon is in South Vietnam (you know, the ones that lost the war) and Ho Chi Minh was the leader of North Vietnam (the Viet Cong or the ones that won), the Saigonese still revere him. And although the locals still call it Saigon, the official name of the city is Ho Chi Minh City. Strangely enough though, we frequently found ourselves asking "WWUHD?" (What Would Uncle Ho Do?) and are contemplating making rubber bracelets to sell in Vietnam. I think we'll make a killing.

When our friends arrived, we immediately set out to satisfy Aleks' Vietnamese food cravings. She had a hankering for some traditional pho, a noodle soup made with rice noodles, sprouts, scallions, leafy green veggies and your choice of meat. The traditional pho has thin strips of beef brisket and tripe. Marc, the adventurous one, had a bowl with tripe and said he wouldn't even know that it was tripe if he didn't order it himself. Mmmhmmm.... I stuck to the safe chicken and instantly fell in love with Vietnamese food. Of course, it helps to go to the most famous pho shop in all of Saigon: Pho 2000. It is Bill and Chelsea Clinton's favorite as evidenced by their prominently displayed picture in the restaurant. We even sat at the same table!

After our near-brush with celebrity and fueled for the day ahead, we headed outside to make our way to the War Remnants Museum, a Lonely Planet "not-to-be-missed" attraction. We were soon accosted by some tri-shaw touts who assured us that they could take us to the museum for 15,000 Vietnamese dong. [Sidenote: Who decides to call their currency dong? It was the topic of much discussion on our trip but to preserve the sanctity of this blogsite and to spare the sensitive eyes and ears of our younger readers, I won't talk about it. Well, except to say that the boys were much amused by the recurring phrase "Is that some dong in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" OK that's it, I promise.]

So, we mounted the tri-shaws and enjoyed a lovely ride through the city to the museum until we got there and those scammers said we owed them 115,000 dong! Oh, there were some harsh words thrown around and some Puerto Rican and Polish tempers flared but in the end, the boys allowed the tri-shaw drivers to rip us off and paid them the whole SIX U.S. DOLLARS that they claimed we owed them. Softies.

The War Remnants Museum is a sobering testament to the Vietnam War. By 1973, almost all of the US military troops left the country but not without leaving behind evidence of their involvement. US tanks, helicopters, war planes, missile launchers, guns and various other military paraphernalia were collected by the Vietnamese and are now displayed in the museum. Also displayed are disturbing photos of the crippling effects of Agent Orange, many of which showed children with malformed limbs and burnt skin. They also have a life-size exhibition of the prisoner of war camps, complete with photographs of torture techniques like waterboarding. Although a somewhat skewed (read: biased) view of the events that took place, I know we can't deny our involvement and the damage that our troops caused, but it was hard to stomach some of the pictures. Halfway through our visit, a group of about 100 Vietnam War Veterans (of the Vietnamese variety, not American) strolled through the courtyard, so we stopped and watched them for a while. This guy seemed to be a popular guy and he held court for about half an hour all the while resting his amputated leg on his cane:

After the museum, we needed something to lift our spirits, so we went shopping! Learning our lesson, we took a taxi to Ben Tranh Market where Marc and I taught Aleks and Andy the fine art of haggling. Together, we bought 4 or 5 North Farce backpacks (because you can't have too many) and some cool Vietnamese art. Our coolest purchase came the next day, though, when Marc and I bought a hand painted Vietnam War propaganda poster. I'm sure that the Commies weren't thinking that their brainwashing messages would be used as pop-art in some yuppies' house in the 2000's but we like it.

We also had to save Andy from the market ladies who groped him and shouted sweet nothings at him. "Meester, messter, you so handsome! Looky, looky! You married? I want to marry you! I show you good time!" After a few times of prying him loose from the ladies, Aleks was ready to go, so we shoved our way out of the crowded market and onto the street.

Saigon might was well be called City of the 3 Million Motorbikes, not even exaggerating. In a town of about 5.5 million people, just about everyone above legal driving age (and some below the legal limit) has a motorbike. Not ones to shy away from renting a scooter and making our way through someplace new, we quickly realized that it was too dangerous even if it had been legal for foreigners to rent them, which it isn't. Zooming past us at breakneck speed, not even feigning adherence to the traffic laws, if any, those motorbikes were everywhere! These bikes are not only a source of transportation for humans but also seemingly the only means of transporting any material you can think of, from ladders to huge panes of glass to live animals. Thousands of people die each year and just about everyone has been injured in a motorbike accident yet they keep riding. Here is short video but even it doesn't do the madness justice. Check out the guy at the beginning of the video who seems to be wearing a wooden box as he is driving.

The next day, we woke up early to meet our Mekong River tour guide. Even though we detest group tours, there are certain things you cannot do without hiring a guide, like driving 3 hours south to the Mekong River Delta and hiring a boat to cruise you down the river. Thanks to Marc's diligent research, we were the only people in our tour group aboard the luxury CaiBe Princess. Yes, I wore that ridiculous coolie hat all day. I was trying to blend in with the locals.

These guys really know how to do the Mekong right. On boarding, they served us tea and tropical fruit. Clockwise from the top: wax apple, dragon fruit, tea, rambutan, longans and, in the middle, ladyfinger bananas. Yum-o! They also gave us cool wet towels every time we got on the boat which was nice as we were sticky from the mosquito repellent and it was HOT out there.

First up, we visited the floating market. Although we missed the hustle and bustle of the early morning market in action, we did get to see the boats laden with goods. The way that it works is that farmers come from near and far with their harvest of produce that they want to sell. They live on the boat until all their merchandise is sold, approximately 2 weeks. This also gives them a chance to purchase food and supplies from other boats that are also at the market. Each boat puts a good-looking sample of its merchandise (like a plump watermelon) on a long pole at the front of their boat so that buyers know what they are selling. Then, after the morning rush is done, they tend to their daily chores like washing clothes or the boat, cooking, and tending to the children. They do everything on their home-away-from-home, including sleeping on hammocks strung in the boat.

All along the river banks, there are shantytowns and we could see their daily life as we rode slowly past their modest homes. The villagers that live along the Mekong are very poor and most homes don't have luxuries like electricity or running water. Instead, the villagers use the river for all their needs. The river serves not only as a source of water (albeit a dark shade of brown and full of God knows how many different types of bacteria), but also as a bathtub, sewer, the town dump, a wash basin for washing clothes, a navigable river to get to other towns and villages, you name it. Even though the poverty is stark, you see smiling, laughing children everywhere and it is clear that the locals are content. It really made me realize how good we have it just by living in a developed country.

As part of our tour, we got off the boat at several points to see village life up close. Our guide took us to see how coconut candies, popped rice and rice paper are made using very rudimentary tools. Nothing goes to waste. Even the husks of corn kernels are used as fuel to light the fire necessary to make rice paper.

We also had the opportunity to ride bikes along the river banks, passing school children on their bikes, until we got to a brick making factory. The bricks are made at the factory and then fired in the huge kiln (see pic on the left) for 15 days until they turn bright red and are ready to be sold.

While I was getting my brick-making lesson, Marc made fast friends with a pair of boys who were playing at the brick factory (OSHA? Child labor laws? What's that?). He showed them our fancy digital camera and they had a blast pressing the button to take a picture of themselves, then seeing their images on the viewfinder. I don't know which of the 3 kids in the picture to the right had the best time...

Those kids can take some pretty good self-portraits! I call this one "Me and Half of My Brother's Face."

Our tour concluded with lunch at a nice plantation house. We feasted our eyes and our bellies on the Vietnamese food art like this big scary fish with a pepper flower in its mouth. One thing is for sure, we did not go hungry on this trip!

Full and happy, we walked back to the van that would take us back to Saigon and Marc took some more pictures (surprise, surprise). I'll leave you with one of my favorites until I feel the urge to get off the couch from watching Olympics to write the second part of our Vietnam Adventure. I wouldn't hold your collective breath if I were you.