They Don't Call it The Great Wall for Nothing

I used to have this comfy old t-shirt that said "I hiked, I complained, I nearly passed out, and I barely made it out of the Grand Canyon!" The edges of the sleeves were tattered and the fabric soft with frequent use over a span of 10 years. However, it was a complete lie. I did not, in fact, hike the Grand Canyon. If my recollection serves me correctly, my father drove our rental car to the rim and we walked a nice paved path alongside the rim for about an hour while simultaneously discussing my theory that the Grand Canyon is merely a fancy backdrop created by the Kodak Corporation to get unsuspecting tourists to snap hundreds of pictures on Kodak film.

So, when I chose option (c) of our trusty concierge Storm's suggestions for tackling the Great Wall, I was completely unprepared. The 10 kilometer (6.2 mile) hike from Jinshanling to Simatai nearly killed me but I was egged on by Mao's famous quote:

"He who has not climbed the Great Wall is not a true man."

Humph, well, I'll show you Mr. Zedong.

Construction on the "original" wall commenced during the Qin dynasty (221-207 BC). It was built to keep out marauding nomads from what is now Beijing. Little remains of that first wall, but during the Ming dynasty, construction began again. The current wall is comprised of several walls built during and subsequent to that time. Depending on what you read, the Great Wall is somewhere between 5,000 km (3,106 miles) to 6,700 km (4,160 miles) long. You would think that measuring a wall would be an elementary task. However, since the wall was built in so many sections and there are portions that finger out from the main structure, the people who have enough time to walk out the whole thing with a yardstick disagree on what sections to include in the calculation.

What gets me is that people over 2,200 years ago, using rudimentary tools, carried (or more likely got large animals to carry) giant boulders up to the tops of mountains for a big fence to keep out some pesky Mongolians! How many Mongolians could there have been back then? Was it really such a problem? I mean, today China has over 1 billion people living in obscenely cramped quarters with no regard for personal space whatsoever. What's a few thousand rowdy nomads going to hurt? Personally, I think they would spice things up a bit!

Our first view of the Great Wall did not disappoint. The majestic beast rose before us, snaking up and down the mountain ridge, interspersed with watchtowers at random and infrequent intervals. Seeing the Great Wall was a lifelong dream of mine and, to be honest, before we moved here, I never thought my dream would be fulfilled. But here I was, facing this formidable opponent and all I would do was stare in awe.

The section where we started our hike was a 3 hour's drive away from Beijing, so we had woken up at 6am to start our hike at 9am. For those of you who know me even just a little bit, you know it must have been something special if I voluntarily woke up at that ungodly hour!

When we got there, the air was clear and crisp although it would get unbearably hot as we made our 4 hour trek to Simatai. We walked over parts of the wall that had obviously been restored, as well as crumbling piles of rock that could barely be called a "wall."

We climbed clumsily over steep parts, sauntered along flat parts, and cautiously descended vertigo-inducing stairs, all the while soaking up the magnificent vistas. I must have perspired half my weight in sweat that day but all I had to do was look around and that was motivation enough to keep going.

All along the way, 80-year old Chinese grandmothers and grandfathers would pester us to buy cold water, soda or beer (seriously, beer in the middle of a searing hot June day?) and I would wonder how they did it day after day. I guess that is how the Chinese live so long - doing things like hiking the Great Wall everyday!

In the middle of our hike, Marc needed to take a break. Thank God we had the foresight to bring toilet paper!

After 4 hours, 10 km, 528 pictures and 6 bottles of water, we finally made it to Simatai. I was happy to be there but sad that our once-in-a-lifetime journey had come to an end. Fortunately, the enterprising folks at Simatai had a surprise waiting for me. For just a few US dollars, we rode the Flying Fox down to the parking lot where our driver was waiting to take us to the nearest hospital, I mean our hotel.

P.S. If anyone knows where I can find an "I hiked, I complained, I nearly passed out, and I barely made it off the Great Wall!" t-shirt, let me know.

P.P.S. Don't worry Moms, Marc did not defecate on the Great Wall of China.

Taking Beijing by Storm

Place: Beijing, China

Language: Mandarin Chinese

Hello: Nĭ hău (knee how)

Thank you: Xièxie (shie shie)

People often ask us how we do it, all the traveling I mean. One guy in particular that Marc works with, although a seasoned traveler himself, is always astounded at the seemingly remote places that we travel to and the fantastic hotels that we stay at. To be fair, this particular gentleman only travels to places where there is a Four Seasons hotel, so his list of places to go is relatively limited. Marc and I, on the other hand, shy away from places like the Four Seasons or the Ritz Carlton unless it is an extremely good deal.

But that still doesn't explain how we choose where to go and where to stay. So here is the deal - we have a list. It may not be written down and it is in constant flux but generally, we know that during our time here, we want to travel to certain places. A few weeks or months before the next holiday, we decide which travel destination is the best for that particular time frame. If it is a 3 day weekend, we pick a place close by; if it is a week long holiday, we pick some place a bit further or perhaps a few different places but all within the same country. We also make sure that the time of year we are going is going to work, for example, we don't go diving on the west coast of Thailand when it is monsoon season and there is a possibility of tsunamis. Then Marc gets to work on the flights. This is an extremely long process whereby he finds out every single permutation and combination of flight(s), times and price. If the best flight based on times and prices is also on an airline partner for our airline miles, we've struck gold.

Next up, we study our guidebook on said travel destination. We are die hard Lonely Planet fanatics, and right now I count 10 Lonely Planet guidebooks on our bookshelves, plus the very important 1,000 Places to See Before You Die and a few other random travel books. We, and by "we" I really mean "I", study the maps and get the lay of the land to figure out what is the best area of town to stay.

Then, and this is probably the most important part so listen up, er... I mean pay attention, we go to Tripadvisor. I enter the name of the place, say Bangkok, Thailand, and click on hotels. The best part of Tripadvisor is that you can check out the hotels in order of popularity based on reviews. Real actual living travelers that have stayed at these places come back to this website to rate the hotel, write little snippets about their experience and post real-life pictures (not like the airbrushed marketing pictures from the hotel website). In all of our traveling (and Marc's traveling before he met me since he is the one who started me on Tripadvisor), we have NEVER gone wrong with the top 5 hotel listings. In fact, we have been so blown away that we no longer pay attention to other people's suggestions for where to stay, our travel agent's "good deals" on places to stay or even what Lonely Planet says about lodging. We simply go to Tripadvisor and pick one of the top hotels based on the ratings and price. Most people love a good deal, so often we find neat boutique hotels with great service for $60-100/night! So, really we're not travel geniuses, we just rely on the great invention Mr. Internets.

Why, pray tell, am I divulging all our travel secrets now you ask? Because I cannot fully explain our time in Beijing without giving credit to Storm. No, not a storm like water falling from the sky, but Storm, our #1 hotel concierge at the Holiday Inn in Beijing. I know what you are thinking, "Holiday Inn? Really?" but it was a swanky Holiday Inn not like the chintzy ones in the States. Check out pictures here but ignore the first picture of the Great Wall.

Storm is an Internet Celebrity. Virtually all the reviews rave about this Storm guy who helps with all our reservations, transportation, etc. and since the Holiday Inn was reasonably priced and #1 on the list of all hotels in Beijing, we knew we couldn't pass up meeting Mr. Storm.

We only had 3 days in Beijing, so we knew we were in for a typical jam-packed Liner vacation. Our first day, we woke up bright and early to enjoy our lovely free buffet breakfast. Wow what a spread! There was Chinese breakfast, American breakfast, British breakfast, fruits, cheese, you name it. As we are gorging ourselves with fuel for the day, a man from the hotel comes up to our table and greets us. He is very sneaky this one, appearing out of nowhere. He wants to know if we need any assistance with our travel plans. I surreptitiously look at his name tag which, of course, says "Storm." At this point, we totally lose our cool and start blabbering to him about how famous he is and how we're so excited to meet him and can we have his autograph.

After the initial shock, we tell him our plans for the day and he produces a bus pass for us and tells us how to get to where we are going. A Bus Pass people! How cute! Then, he asks us about our plans for the next day. We had already decided we wanted to see the Great Wall but we were having difficulty deciding which part to visit. Folks, the Great Wall isn't named thusly without a reason. It is, indeed, great and very long so there are multiple places to see it (although space is not one of them). We could (a) go to the closest point near Beijing where the Wall has been renovated and is in pristine condition but packed with tourists; (b) go to a point a bit further that is less crowded and not quite so pristine condition; or (c) go to the furthest point and hike 10km on crumbling piles of rock they call "The Great Wall" (but apparently the most authentic of our choices) all the way to point (b) which not too many tourists do. Storm lays out each option, as well as the pro/cons, and waits patiently while Marc and I collaborate. We make our choice and poof, it's done. Storm will arrange a private driver to take us to the Wall, wait for us and drive us back, so we're set for the next day too. He also arranges tickets for us to see the Chinese acrobats that evening. Just. Like. That. Amazing, 15 minutes at the breakfast table and we have our entire weekend itinerary planned.

We walk as instructed to the bus stop and along the way encounter a curious little girl sitting outside her parents' hardware store. Hey, cute sells merchandise, even toilets, in any country. Let's just hope she doesn't fall in!

First official stop on our Beijing tour is the infamous Tiananmen Square, the world's largest square. If you squint through the haze, you can make out the larger-than-life-size portrait of Mao Zedong, overlooking all the residents of Beijing and tens of thousand tourists who come to see him on a daily basis. Tiananmen is located adjacent to the Forbidden City and bisected by the busy road you see in the picture. In order to really see the square, you have to go up to the top of the Front Gate and look back.

I am now standing at the top of the Front Gate with Tiananmen Square behind me. If you look past all the pollution, you can see a large crowd in the large open area. It wasn't a demonstration or protest, that is just the daily load of tourists. As you can see, I too have been chewed up and spit out by the Chinese communist machine. Mao is da bomb.

So, for those of you who remember that we took this trip in June, you might be wondering how the Chinese government managed to eliminate all the pollution by August in time for the Olympics. Despite their claims that they have superior technology, including (and I'm not making this up) a machine that shoots chemicals into the air to prevent rain, the Chinese government lied. Plain and simple. The pollution in Beijing is the worst pollution I have ever seen/smelled/tasted. It is a yellowish brown haze that blankets the entire city. If you are walking around, you can literally taste the dirt and grime in the air. For the Olympics, the Chinese government merely shut down all the factories producing said smog for about 2-3 weeks prior to, as well as during, the Olympics. They also limited the amount of vehicles on the road by implementing an odd-even license plate driving schedule. I could write a whole blog entry on all the things that the government did that you never heard about. If only the shock therapy would stop long enough for me to type it out...

As we made our way into the Forbidden City, we stood in awe of the sprawling courtyards and massive buildings before us. The entire complex occupies over 200 acres and it took us several hours to cover the grounds. The Forbidden City served as the emperor's palace during the Ming and Qing dynasties. Chinese royalty lived their lives confined to the various buildings and gardens, rarely venturing outside the walls. This particular courtyard was big enough to hold imperial audiences of over 100,000 people. However, as the name implies, commoners were not allowed in the Forbidden City for over 500 years. Now, it serves as a tourist playground, complete with map to identify all the buildings.

Whoever got to name the numerous buildings must have really been hitting the opium pipe because these are the names of just a few: Hall of Supreme Harmony, Hall of Middle Harmony, Hall of Preserving Harmony, Palace of Heavenly Purity, Hall of Military Eminence, Hall of Literary Glory and Palace of Tranquil Longevity. At one point, Marc and I just started making up more names: Hall of Cloudy Disposition, Gate of the Powerful Ninja, Hall of Starry Nights, Hall of Mental Cultivation... oh wait, that last one was actually a real name.

After we cultivated our minds, we rented some bicycles and rode through the hutong neighborhoods. Hutongs are narrow alleys with crumbling buildings that many Beijing residents call home. Sadly, many of these neighborhoods are being bulldozed to make way for more high-rise buildings so who knows how long this way of life will exist. Our Lonely Planet guide had a great bike tour that took us through these poor areas and offered us a great view of how the some of the locals live. At one point, I realized I had an admirer checking me out. To be fair, he could have been jealous of my bike, it was a sweet ride for only $5/day.

Here is another exceptional picture of daily hutong life brought to you by my hubby:

After our bike tour, we barely made it back in time to wash up and go to the Chinese acrobat show. I wish I could show you pictures of their amazing feats but photography was not allowed. Let's just say that the Chinese female gymnasts are not the only 8 year olds that can bend like that. If you ask me, I think it is something in the milk that cultivates all these contortionists.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's blog on hiking, crawling, dragging, staggering and whining on the Great Wall. I know I have been terrible about posting blogs lately but I have a great excuse: I have been without a computer for almost a month and I just got it back. For anyone wondering what happens when you spill lemonade on a laptop right in the little vents above the motherboard, well, you can stop wondering because it isn't pretty. I blew up my computer. Thankfully the hard drive was not affected and my all-inclusive Dell warranty covered all the damage (after a bit of yelling). In other words, I'm BACK!

Man, Cambodian Kids are Cute!

Man, I could just watch that video at the end of the last post over and over again. It never fails to make me laugh out loud. So, we are on our way out again - this time to Japan - so I decided to wrap up Cambodia before we left. You must forgive my relapse in posting but I've been busy saving the world. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it.

The temples at Angkor are very spread out so you can't just walk from one to the next. You wouldn't want to anyway, it was about 5,000 degrees Celsius out there (I'm really bad at conversions). Lonely Planet seemed to suggest that you could rent motorbikes but we found out that is no longer the case. I guess one too many tourists wrecked and the government put the kibosh on that much to the enthusiasm of the local trishaw drivers. Ours was named Mr. Vanna and he charged us something like $30/day to scoot our butts to as many temples as we wanted to see. Mr. Vanna was the bomb!

He would even drop us off at the hotel so we could wash all the grime of 1,000-year-old-temples from our bodies and pick us back up again for dinner. The main square in town was really laid back with tons of great little restaurants. Dinner cost us less than $20 including alcohol and dessert - you can't beat that except maybe in Thailand! There were also some really great galleries that sold black and white photographs of the temples but I swear some of Marc's pictures could go on those walls.

The following day, Mr. Vanna picked us up bright and early because we wanted to take a hot air balloon ride. The balloon is tethered to the ground but it does give a great view of the surrounding temples. We had tried to go on it the previous evening, but they claimed it was too windy. Well, we got there in the morning (as per their suggestion) and it was too sunny. Hmmm..... not sure I understand why they need 6 full-time employees to tell everyone that they aren't flying today because of Hurricane Ike hitting Texas or El Nino or whatever other lame excuse they come up with on a daily basis.

No worries though because we just kept on trucking in the back of Mr. Vanna's trishaw. We were off to the country-side to see the farming villages and check out a few more temples. Our first stop was Banteay Srei, the most ornate of the temples but also a temple for little people. We felt right at home.

It looked liked a miniature Angkor Wat but with those funky monkeys outside and intricate carvings on every square inch.

Afterwards, our trusty driver took us on a tour of the farming villages on the way to the next temple. We really got a good look at how most Cambodians live. Their homes are barely more than a few wooden planks for walls and a thatched roof. They don't have electricity and only some are fortunate to have a well donated by a Westerner who visited Cambodia. You could see the signs proudly displayed near wells stating the donor and his country of citizenship.

But what really touched my heart were the children. They were running around, playing, smiling, unaware of their dismal surroundings. In fact, they really made the best out of what they had. In the picture below, rainwater collected in a wide ditch on the side of the dirt road has become the community swimming pool.

Our final destination was Kbal Spean where we were going to do a little hiking. The Lonely Planet guidebook says it is 1 1/2 hours from Banteay Srei on a "sandy track." Um, there was nothing sandy about it. In fact, in some places, I was sure we were going to have to get out and push Mr. Vanna's trishaw out of the muddy mess. It's not like that thing has 4-wheel drive!

Luckily, we got there in one piece and we trekked up to see the "River of a Thousand Lingas." According to our descriptive Lonely Planet, the lingas, or "phallic symbols of fertility" were shaped into the rocks on the river bed. And there are a THOUSAND lingas? This I had to see. Unfortunately, the real thing was quite disappointing, although the deities carved into the rocks were pretty cool. Those bullet shaped carvings on the front are supposed to be the lingas. Not exactly what I had envisioned...On the way back, we needed to stop and get some gas for Mr. Vanna's motorbike. So, we pulled over to the local gas-station-stand-cum-barber-shop where he purchased gas in empty 2-liter bottles of Sprite. Next to the gas station was a sign that indicated the minefield had been cleared by CMAC, Cambodia Mine Action Centre. I hope the gas station came after the mines were cleared!

After our eventful day, Mr. Vanna was nice enough to make reservations for us to have dinner and see a show. The Cambodian dancers were reminiscent of the Indonesian dancers we saw in Bali but they had enormous headdresses!

Who let this nut-job up on stage?

The next day, we begrudgingly made our way to the airport to head back to Hong Kong. The airport security searched our bags thoroughly and made us return these 4 Cambodian children. I *still* contend that I have no idea how they ended up in our suitcases, I swear!

Cambodia - No, It's Not Just a Place to Pick Up a Cute Orphaned Child

Place: Siem Riep, Cambodia

Language: Khmer

Hello: Johm riab sua/sua s'dei (jome riab su/su sduee)

Thank you: Aw kohn (aw gowne)

Standing at a whopping 5'2", with normal sized lips and nowhere near a 36DD, Angelina Jolie I am not. However, I did fall in love with Cambodia and, if HK Immigration would allow me to smuggle in one of those adorable dark skinned Asian children, I would have.

I'm not going to lie, before moving here, I had no idea where Cambodia was and I probably wouldn't have known it was an actual country if Maddox didn't exist. I'm not dumb, I just never had world geography in school and the existence and location of third world Asian countries just didn't factor into my life in the States.

So, for those of you in my same boat, Cambodia is a small country sort of squished between Thailand and Vietnam. Its capital is Phnom Penh and unfortunately, its history is quite a bloody one. I had heard about the Khmer Rouge but I really didn't know where it was. Well, it was in Cambodia. Different estimates say that the communist Khmer Rouge rebels assassinated between 1 and 3 million people out of a population of 7 million. It is hard to know for sure because the rebels would bury thousands of executed bodies in mass graves called the killing fields. It's embarrassing to admit that I really didn't know much about this genocide until I visited but now I do and I am in awe of the resilience of Cambodians.

The average worker earns $30/month and many women and children are pushed into prostitution. But despite their bloody past and destitute present, Cambodians are a fiercely proud, hard-working and happy people. They are hopeful for the future and you often see children playing and laughing in seemingly dismal conditions. It's hard not to be thankful for what you have and want to give something, anything, to the locals. During our 2 full days in Siem Reap, we were approached by dozens of children selling little trinkets, water, books, etc. for $1 each. It took all the willpower I had to just buy 2 bottles of water at a time, knowing that if I bought from each child, I wouldn't be able to climb to the top of the temples!

We went to Siem Reap in Cambodia, again tempting the valid threats of malaria, dengue fever, typhoid fever, et. al., to see one of the wonders of the world: Angkor Wat. Not knowing that Cambodia existed, I didn't know about Angkor Wat either but I did my research (read: I watched Tomb Raider) before I got there and I wasn't disappointed!

The ancient temple ruins of Angkor are what remains of massive temples built for the gods from 900 and 1200 AD. The most famous is Angkor Wat which is the largest religious building in the world and one of the ancient wonders of the world. Its magic is apparently best captured at sunrise when the sun rises up from behind the grandiose temple but those of you who know about my nocturnal biorhythms know *that* wasn't going to happen, so we settled for 9am-ish. Not bad and definitely a much less grumpy experience for Marc.

Cambodians are so proud of Angkor Wat that it is featured smack dab in the middle of the Cambodian flag.

Angkor Wat was first a Hindu shrine dedicated to Vishnu, then it became a Buddhist temple and you can still see Buddhist monks in their regal orange robes. For all the fun I poke at Marc for his trigger-happy finger, I seriously think he could win a photography contest with this pic. It's one of my all-time favorites.

Of course, not to be outdone, I managed to nab the camera for a minute and snapped this one outside Angkor Wat.

There wasn't a shortage of amazing picture-worthy shots so we actually had a little contest going on who could take the best picture. And as I told Marc, it's not how many pictures you take (ahem Mr. 230 pictures in 2 days!), it's the *quality* of the pictures. So, as usual, I could just post an entire blog with nothing but National Geographic worthy snaps, but after a while even these magnificent temples all start to look alike so I'll just post a few of the very best and let you guys decide on a winner.

As regal and imposing as Angkor Wat was, my absolute favorite was Ta Prohm. The temples here have these huge silk cottonwood and strangler fig trees seemingly growing from within the ruins. Their long roots crawl spread across stones like a rash and it's hard to tell which was there first, the temple or the trees. Their symbiotic relationship seems to imply they both established their territories at the same time as at some points it seems that the temple might crumble were it not for the trees, and vice versa. For you Lara Croft fans, you may recognize this shot. It was when Angelina first started seeing the ghostly children scampering into the tombs.

If you can't picture it, maybe this pic will help. If you squint a little bit, tilt your head to the left and imagine my "finger gun" is a real gun, you can see Lara Croft, waiting to pounce on some bad guys.

OK, so maybe not *all* of our pictures are award-winning photographs.

To give you a better perspective, check out this picture. Those roots are massive!

In some places, you had to look really hard to see some of the apsaras, or celestial nymphs, peeking out from between the roots.

Next up was The Bayon, or as I liked to call it for absolutely no reason other than I couldn't remember the name, The Banyan. The Bayon was the King's state temple and it is known for its towers with four divine faces smiling in meditation on each side. Remarkably, they all look like King Jayavarman VII who was in power at the time. Narcissistic much? There are 54 towers in total with a staggering 216 faces. Can you imagine people back 1,000 years ago making these things???!?!?

Here is a shot from afar, showing many of the still intact towers. Even though it is a national treasure and over a thousand years old, we got to walk all over this place, climbing steep steps without any guard rails whatsoever and popping in and out of the maze-like hallways that looked like they would collapse on us at any second.

Equally unprotected are the apsara carvings (left picture) and bas reliefs (right picture) which miraculously have survived inclement weather conditions and throngs of tourists' grimy hands.

Hope you enjoyed the pictures from our first day in Siem Reap. I will leave you with a video for you to watch while I slip away to the Philippines for a long weekend of diving. The video was taken on our trek up to the top of Phnom Bakheng (yet another temple) to watch the sunset. We were pretty tired from traipsing all day in the heat through the temples so we got a friend to take us up. Life lesson #481: Always ride on the first elephant in the line. Make sure to turn the sound up for optimal viewing. Enjoy!

Happy American Labor Day! Please Pass the Water Buffalo.

Greetings my loyal fan. I know you must be understandably upset about the degrading quality of my blogs and I sympathize. Since many of these trips happened months ago, I can only go by the vague recollection stored deep in my cranium. Sadly, I can't remember what I had for breakfast yesterday so the details of a trip long past are as "hazy" as Beijing air.

Alas, I recognize the deterioration of my writing style as well as the increasing length of time between posts, so in order to keep you, Mom, I mean my loyal fan base happy, I have taken a drastic step to remedy the situation:

I quit my job.

Now, you will no longer click on "Marc and Brina in Hong Kong" on your list of favorite websites and be met with a stale story on Malaysia. No siree Bob, I am ON it now. I will devote all my days to providing quality blog posts because THAT is how dedicated I am to you. Oh, and I hated my job to the point that I had taken to drawing sad faces on my calendar for every bad day I had at work. There were more frowny faces than smiley faces, so something had to be done.

Today is Labor Day in the US and, of course, we don't get that holiday here. We've already celebrated British Labor Day, Chinese Labor Day and Hong Kong Labor Day, I don't see why we can't tack on one more. That's OK, next week is Mid-Autumn Festival so we're going to the Philippines. Man, I need a vacation like a crack addict needs, well, crack. It's been TWO MONTHS people! Granted, we went to Shenzhen for a weekend to stock up on fakes and I went to Macau for a day trip last week, but that's nothing. As Marc's dad said, when we move back to the States, I'm going to throw rocks at Marc when we don't go out of town every month. He better learn to duck.

It's funny how, having been here a full year now, some of these crazy holidays are actually making sense! Remember Hungry Ghosts' Day last year? Well, they had it again this year and I was paying attention this time. Apparently, the older Locals burn paper money (no, not real paper money but like Monopoly Hong Kong Dollars) so that the ghosts of their ancestors can "use" the money to buy things they need in the afterlife. They better get with the times before I get there because I'm telling my descendants to burn paper Visa cards. They also burn food like oranges, in case the ghosts are hungry and perhaps have a slight case of scurvy. For the more important necessities, they burn paper replicas of items from the material world, again for use in the afterlife. These items can be bicycles, cars, refrigerators, even computers and mobile phones. The other day, I passed by a store that sells these replicas and I saw a replica of a window AC unit. Man, I feel bad for whoever's ancestor needs an AC UNIT in the afterlife, if you catch my drift.

In other news, Batman: The Dark Knight came out last month. Have you seen it? If you haven't, it is super awesome, you should go see it! You heard about it here first, ladies and gentleman. The part in the movie that shows Hong Kong is short but action-packed and most importantly, it shows Marc's office building and the Escalator where we walk every day. So what are you waiting for? Go!

You still here? Good because it is time for the always hilarious "This Only Happens to Marc and Sabrina" story of the week. About a month ago, as part of Brina's countdown to that awful time in a woman's life when she realizes she can no longer put a 2 in front of her age (sob), we went to an out-of-the-way beach on Lantau Island. You might think that the stretch of beach that we walked on where every man we saw was wearing a black mesh g-string leaving nothing (and I do mean nothing) to the imagination is the hilarious part of the story. But you'd be wrong.

Picture this: Marc and I are laying out on our beach blankets in the hot mid-afternoon sun. We've each fallen asleep reading our respective books when all of a sudden I, the lighter sleeper of the two, hear uncontrollable laughter from a crowd of people around us. Wanting to see what the commotion is about, I open one eye and see two large shadows near our blankets. I sit upright and realize the shadows are made by none other than a pair of water buffalo coming straight at us! I frantically wake up Marc and point, unable to make the words "Marc! Wake up! There are 2 large water buffalo coming our way!" come out of my mouth. He wakes with a start as the buffalo are walking by just 1 1/2 feet from us. Yes, the people on the beach were laughing at us, the sleeping gweilos that were about to be trampled by the rampant water buffalo. Man, it just doesn't get much stranger than that. Only in Hong Kong.

Don't Tell My Mom I Shot an AK47 in Vietnam!

In keeping up with our adventurous and slightly dangerous (in a calculated risk sort of way) travel style, we continued our tour of duty in Saigon by visiting the Cu Chi Tunnels. In the words of my mentor, Dave Barry, "No, I'm not making that name up."

The Cu Chi Tunnels is an underground tunnel network over 200 kilometers in length that the Viet Cong (the guys in the North) used during the Vietnam War. These tunnels are not for the claustrophobic or metabolically challenged. Here is a series of pictures showing our really skinny Vietnamese tour guide going into hiding:

See that hole in the ground about a foot long and maybe 5 inches wide?

That's right, he's going in it. Yes, this is a real life person, not a mannequin.

Then he pulls the lid over his head and PRESTO CHANGE-O, he is invisible. Seriously, you can't see him or detect that there is a trap door even if you were standing as close as we were.

Man those guys were sneaky. They would hide in these tunnels for weeks at a time, doing all of their business (and I do mean ALL of their business) without even alerting nearby troops of their proximity. Then, all of a sudden, they would pop out of their hiding spots and annihilate the enemy. We even got to go into the tunnels to see what all the fuss was about. Well, I say "we" but I really mean Marc, Andy and me because Aleks wussed out and wouldn't go in. I don't know why, it's not like they were cramped quarters or anything. Maybe she got freaked out by the fact that these tunnels have been carved into the ground and survived for decades despite erosion.

Look, even the shorties had to kneel down to get through! Seriously though, I don't blame Aleks, it was really dark and creepy in there. I can't imagine spending weeks in there with dozens or even hundreds of men waiting to attack.

In the middle of the thick jungle where the war was taking place, these hiding places made the Viet Cong practically invincible. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is when the Americans started dropped bombs. When you can't see who you are fighting, just blow the whole dang place up, right? Here is a crater left by a B52 bomb, it's big.

So, we had heard from one of Marc's colleagues that after the tunnel tour, you could go to a gun range and shoot off all sorts of guns, including AK-47's which are illegal in the US! He claimed that they even let his 14 year old son shoot an AK-47. We were psyched to hear about this. So, not to be shown up by some punk 14 year old, we all decided to give it a go (well, everyone except Aleks again), because seriously where else can you fire one of these bad boys? Mom, close your eyes.

Yes, you heard him correctly, he wants to use the automatic setting. So, I show him how it's done. Check out my face before I fire, it's priceless!

And not to be outdone, Andy joins in on the fun while Aleks soils her pants behind her gun-toting husband (excuse the expletive at the end).

Adrenalin pumping and considerably lighter in the wallet (man those bullets were expensive but totally worth it!), we got back on the bus to head back to Saigon. That night, we went to a fancy schmancy restaurant as a wedding present from Andy and Aleks.

The food was excellent, the ambiance elegant and everything was going so well until we went out to a bar for a nightcap and I started getting some serious hot flashes -- and it wasn't even hot outside! I was seriously thinking I was going through early menopause until all of a sudden, I dashed to the bathroom and proceeded to throw up the entire lovely meal we just had. Ugh, no fun. Man, I have no idea what happened but after the purge, I felt much better and thankfully, no one else seemed to have been affected the same way. Bedtime for Brina...

The next day, we checked Reunification Palace off our tourist sites to see checklist.

It used to be the White House of South Vietnam until the North won and drove tanks through these front gates to claim it as their own. Can you imagine having your Cheerios one morning and all of a sudden a huge tank comes barrelling through your front yard? The war was officially over after that.


We had some fun inside the Reunification Palace which is just a museum now. Here I am ignoring the rules and basically being a total goof-off. The sign on the desk is a bit small, it says "Don't Touch the Object." Luckily, we didn't get kicked out as visiting a Communist jail cell is not high on my list of things to do and places to see.

We putzed around the city for the rest of the day and the girls capped off the day with massages at the massage parlor next to the hotel. Wow, what an experience. We walked into the building and were led upstairs to a dark, open room where there were about a dozen people sitting in chairs with their masseuses contorting their bodies into positions I didn't know were possible! These little Vietnamese women were even walking on people's backs! It was like walking into the set of a really strange movie and wondering how you stumbled in there. Nonetheless, we sat for our 1-hour massages which were tame by comparison. I guess you really get the full treatment with the 2 hour deal. Relaxed and happy, we went back to the hotel to pack up for the trip back home.

When we arrived in Hong Kong, it was Marc's turn to get sick, so I played tour guide while he slept his bug away. Aleks, Andy and I went up to the Peak where Andy had fun with the light exposure settings on his camera. Check out the ghostly effect:

Aleks and Andy enjoyed the rest of their trip in Hong Kong while Marc and I had to work during the week. They did all the cool things to do in Hong Kong like Stanley Market, Dim Sum, shopping for camera stuff, Jade Market, trying a Chinese herbal medicine shop, seeing the wet markets up close and personal, the Laser Light Show and lots of other cool stuff that you can experience if you just come visit!*

*This ad is brought to you by the Sabrina and Marc's Campaign to Get Their Friends and Family to Visit Hong Kong, in conjunction with "Wow, We've Been Here for a Year and Only Had One Set of Visitors," a subsidiary of "What Are You Waiting For? Do You Need Us to Gift You Some Airline Miles?"

Goooooooood Morning, Vietnam!

Place: Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon), Vietnam

Language: Vietnamese

Hello: Xin chào (sin jow)

Thank you: Cám σn (come on)

As I mentioned in my Observations for First-Time Visitors to Asia post, the first brave souls to come visit us in Hong Kong were my friends, Aleks and Andy. Aleks was my roommate in law school and Andy is her husband. They are both Polish and love to travel just as much as Marc and I do. When I told her that I was moving to Hong Kong and would love to have them visit, they were quick to take us up on the offer despite the warnings about our "guest closet." Although they have traveled extensively through Europe, they had never been to Asia and boy were they in for some culture shock!

Aleks and Andy planned on a 2 week vacation and, hiring Marc and me as their travel agents, we planned their itinerary as follows: fly into Hong Kong and spend the night at Hotel Liner; depart the next day for Ko Samui and spend several relaxing days on the beach getting $5 massages; spend one night (or 2) in Bangkok and explore the city; meet Marc and Sabrina in Vietnam for some high intensity adventure travels; and finally round off the trip exploring Hong Kong for a few days. Yes, it was a whirlwind trip but I think they had a great time despite having some serious jetlag for the first 2-3 days. (Yes, we helped them out with our "secret weapon" but it still caught up with them in Thailand when Aleks almost fell asleep in her soup during dinner.)

[By the way, if you are thinking of hiring Marc and me as travel agents for your Asian adventure, let me warn you: we don't come cheap. We accept all forms of payment including Western toiletries and invitations to travel with you to other places in Asia.]

But alas this is blogsite is about Marc and Brina's Adventures in Southeast Asia, so let me fast-forward to the Vietnam portion of the trip:

We chose to visit Saigon because of its proximity to the Mekong Delta. Despite valid concerns of malaria, dengue fever, all variations of hepatitis, typhoid fever, Japanese encephalitis and amoebic dysentery, I wanted to see the villages that depend on the mighty Mekong for the daily needs. Having already been immunized for most of the aforementioned tropical diseases, we started our malaria pills 2 days before the trip, continued them throughout the trip (as well as our subsequent trip to Cambodia) and for a month thereafter. We also applied mosquito repellent with 98% DEET (who knew there was such a thing?) as if we were albinos applying 45 SPF sunscreen in Ecuador. Thankfully, we remain malaria-free 3 months later.

Arriving a night before Aleks and Andy, Marc and I were able to explore a little bit of the city and get our bearings. Vietnam was colonized by the French in the mid-19th century and consequently, it feels very much like a European city. Much of the older generation still speaks French; there are fantastic French restaurants all around the city; and some of the architecture is definitely European. They even have a Catholic Church named Notre Dame Cathedral. It is like a mini-me of the original:

Despite the European influence, it is still an Asian city and a communist country after all. I will admit, it is a bit strange to see the communist symbol of a hammer and sickle on flags lining the streets.

I will never fully understand the country's affinity with its venerable (and now deceased) leader, Ho Chi Minh, or Uncle Ho as the locals affectionately call him. His portrait is everywhere, including the main post office (see above pic) as well as the currency. Even though Saigon is in South Vietnam (you know, the ones that lost the war) and Ho Chi Minh was the leader of North Vietnam (the Viet Cong or the ones that won), the Saigonese still revere him. And although the locals still call it Saigon, the official name of the city is Ho Chi Minh City. Strangely enough though, we frequently found ourselves asking "WWUHD?" (What Would Uncle Ho Do?) and are contemplating making rubber bracelets to sell in Vietnam. I think we'll make a killing.

When our friends arrived, we immediately set out to satisfy Aleks' Vietnamese food cravings. She had a hankering for some traditional pho, a noodle soup made with rice noodles, sprouts, scallions, leafy green veggies and your choice of meat. The traditional pho has thin strips of beef brisket and tripe. Marc, the adventurous one, had a bowl with tripe and said he wouldn't even know that it was tripe if he didn't order it himself. Mmmhmmm.... I stuck to the safe chicken and instantly fell in love with Vietnamese food. Of course, it helps to go to the most famous pho shop in all of Saigon: Pho 2000. It is Bill and Chelsea Clinton's favorite as evidenced by their prominently displayed picture in the restaurant. We even sat at the same table!

After our near-brush with celebrity and fueled for the day ahead, we headed outside to make our way to the War Remnants Museum, a Lonely Planet "not-to-be-missed" attraction. We were soon accosted by some tri-shaw touts who assured us that they could take us to the museum for 15,000 Vietnamese dong. [Sidenote: Who decides to call their currency dong? It was the topic of much discussion on our trip but to preserve the sanctity of this blogsite and to spare the sensitive eyes and ears of our younger readers, I won't talk about it. Well, except to say that the boys were much amused by the recurring phrase "Is that some dong in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" OK that's it, I promise.]

So, we mounted the tri-shaws and enjoyed a lovely ride through the city to the museum until we got there and those scammers said we owed them 115,000 dong! Oh, there were some harsh words thrown around and some Puerto Rican and Polish tempers flared but in the end, the boys allowed the tri-shaw drivers to rip us off and paid them the whole SIX U.S. DOLLARS that they claimed we owed them. Softies.

The War Remnants Museum is a sobering testament to the Vietnam War. By 1973, almost all of the US military troops left the country but not without leaving behind evidence of their involvement. US tanks, helicopters, war planes, missile launchers, guns and various other military paraphernalia were collected by the Vietnamese and are now displayed in the museum. Also displayed are disturbing photos of the crippling effects of Agent Orange, many of which showed children with malformed limbs and burnt skin. They also have a life-size exhibition of the prisoner of war camps, complete with photographs of torture techniques like waterboarding. Although a somewhat skewed (read: biased) view of the events that took place, I know we can't deny our involvement and the damage that our troops caused, but it was hard to stomach some of the pictures. Halfway through our visit, a group of about 100 Vietnam War Veterans (of the Vietnamese variety, not American) strolled through the courtyard, so we stopped and watched them for a while. This guy seemed to be a popular guy and he held court for about half an hour all the while resting his amputated leg on his cane:

After the museum, we needed something to lift our spirits, so we went shopping! Learning our lesson, we took a taxi to Ben Tranh Market where Marc and I taught Aleks and Andy the fine art of haggling. Together, we bought 4 or 5 North Farce backpacks (because you can't have too many) and some cool Vietnamese art. Our coolest purchase came the next day, though, when Marc and I bought a hand painted Vietnam War propaganda poster. I'm sure that the Commies weren't thinking that their brainwashing messages would be used as pop-art in some yuppies' house in the 2000's but we like it.

We also had to save Andy from the market ladies who groped him and shouted sweet nothings at him. "Meester, messter, you so handsome! Looky, looky! You married? I want to marry you! I show you good time!" After a few times of prying him loose from the ladies, Aleks was ready to go, so we shoved our way out of the crowded market and onto the street.

Saigon might was well be called City of the 3 Million Motorbikes, not even exaggerating. In a town of about 5.5 million people, just about everyone above legal driving age (and some below the legal limit) has a motorbike. Not ones to shy away from renting a scooter and making our way through someplace new, we quickly realized that it was too dangerous even if it had been legal for foreigners to rent them, which it isn't. Zooming past us at breakneck speed, not even feigning adherence to the traffic laws, if any, those motorbikes were everywhere! These bikes are not only a source of transportation for humans but also seemingly the only means of transporting any material you can think of, from ladders to huge panes of glass to live animals. Thousands of people die each year and just about everyone has been injured in a motorbike accident yet they keep riding. Here is short video but even it doesn't do the madness justice. Check out the guy at the beginning of the video who seems to be wearing a wooden box as he is driving.

The next day, we woke up early to meet our Mekong River tour guide. Even though we detest group tours, there are certain things you cannot do without hiring a guide, like driving 3 hours south to the Mekong River Delta and hiring a boat to cruise you down the river. Thanks to Marc's diligent research, we were the only people in our tour group aboard the luxury CaiBe Princess. Yes, I wore that ridiculous coolie hat all day. I was trying to blend in with the locals.

These guys really know how to do the Mekong right. On boarding, they served us tea and tropical fruit. Clockwise from the top: wax apple, dragon fruit, tea, rambutan, longans and, in the middle, ladyfinger bananas. Yum-o! They also gave us cool wet towels every time we got on the boat which was nice as we were sticky from the mosquito repellent and it was HOT out there.

First up, we visited the floating market. Although we missed the hustle and bustle of the early morning market in action, we did get to see the boats laden with goods. The way that it works is that farmers come from near and far with their harvest of produce that they want to sell. They live on the boat until all their merchandise is sold, approximately 2 weeks. This also gives them a chance to purchase food and supplies from other boats that are also at the market. Each boat puts a good-looking sample of its merchandise (like a plump watermelon) on a long pole at the front of their boat so that buyers know what they are selling. Then, after the morning rush is done, they tend to their daily chores like washing clothes or the boat, cooking, and tending to the children. They do everything on their home-away-from-home, including sleeping on hammocks strung in the boat.

All along the river banks, there are shantytowns and we could see their daily life as we rode slowly past their modest homes. The villagers that live along the Mekong are very poor and most homes don't have luxuries like electricity or running water. Instead, the villagers use the river for all their needs. The river serves not only as a source of water (albeit a dark shade of brown and full of God knows how many different types of bacteria), but also as a bathtub, sewer, the town dump, a wash basin for washing clothes, a navigable river to get to other towns and villages, you name it. Even though the poverty is stark, you see smiling, laughing children everywhere and it is clear that the locals are content. It really made me realize how good we have it just by living in a developed country.

As part of our tour, we got off the boat at several points to see village life up close. Our guide took us to see how coconut candies, popped rice and rice paper are made using very rudimentary tools. Nothing goes to waste. Even the husks of corn kernels are used as fuel to light the fire necessary to make rice paper.

We also had the opportunity to ride bikes along the river banks, passing school children on their bikes, until we got to a brick making factory. The bricks are made at the factory and then fired in the huge kiln (see pic on the left) for 15 days until they turn bright red and are ready to be sold.

While I was getting my brick-making lesson, Marc made fast friends with a pair of boys who were playing at the brick factory (OSHA? Child labor laws? What's that?). He showed them our fancy digital camera and they had a blast pressing the button to take a picture of themselves, then seeing their images on the viewfinder. I don't know which of the 3 kids in the picture to the right had the best time...

Those kids can take some pretty good self-portraits! I call this one "Me and Half of My Brother's Face."

Our tour concluded with lunch at a nice plantation house. We feasted our eyes and our bellies on the Vietnamese food art like this big scary fish with a pepper flower in its mouth. One thing is for sure, we did not go hungry on this trip!

Full and happy, we walked back to the van that would take us back to Saigon and Marc took some more pictures (surprise, surprise). I'll leave you with one of my favorites until I feel the urge to get off the couch from watching Olympics to write the second part of our Vietnam Adventure. I wouldn't hold your collective breath if I were you.