They Don't Call it The Great Wall for Nothing

I used to have this comfy old t-shirt that said "I hiked, I complained, I nearly passed out, and I barely made it out of the Grand Canyon!" The edges of the sleeves were tattered and the fabric soft with frequent use over a span of 10 years. However, it was a complete lie. I did not, in fact, hike the Grand Canyon. If my recollection serves me correctly, my father drove our rental car to the rim and we walked a nice paved path alongside the rim for about an hour while simultaneously discussing my theory that the Grand Canyon is merely a fancy backdrop created by the Kodak Corporation to get unsuspecting tourists to snap hundreds of pictures on Kodak film.

So, when I chose option (c) of our trusty concierge Storm's suggestions for tackling the Great Wall, I was completely unprepared. The 10 kilometer (6.2 mile) hike from Jinshanling to Simatai nearly killed me but I was egged on by Mao's famous quote:

"He who has not climbed the Great Wall is not a true man."

Humph, well, I'll show you Mr. Zedong.

Construction on the "original" wall commenced during the Qin dynasty (221-207 BC). It was built to keep out marauding nomads from what is now Beijing. Little remains of that first wall, but during the Ming dynasty, construction began again. The current wall is comprised of several walls built during and subsequent to that time. Depending on what you read, the Great Wall is somewhere between 5,000 km (3,106 miles) to 6,700 km (4,160 miles) long. You would think that measuring a wall would be an elementary task. However, since the wall was built in so many sections and there are portions that finger out from the main structure, the people who have enough time to walk out the whole thing with a yardstick disagree on what sections to include in the calculation.

What gets me is that people over 2,200 years ago, using rudimentary tools, carried (or more likely got large animals to carry) giant boulders up to the tops of mountains for a big fence to keep out some pesky Mongolians! How many Mongolians could there have been back then? Was it really such a problem? I mean, today China has over 1 billion people living in obscenely cramped quarters with no regard for personal space whatsoever. What's a few thousand rowdy nomads going to hurt? Personally, I think they would spice things up a bit!

Our first view of the Great Wall did not disappoint. The majestic beast rose before us, snaking up and down the mountain ridge, interspersed with watchtowers at random and infrequent intervals. Seeing the Great Wall was a lifelong dream of mine and, to be honest, before we moved here, I never thought my dream would be fulfilled. But here I was, facing this formidable opponent and all I would do was stare in awe.

The section where we started our hike was a 3 hour's drive away from Beijing, so we had woken up at 6am to start our hike at 9am. For those of you who know me even just a little bit, you know it must have been something special if I voluntarily woke up at that ungodly hour!

When we got there, the air was clear and crisp although it would get unbearably hot as we made our 4 hour trek to Simatai. We walked over parts of the wall that had obviously been restored, as well as crumbling piles of rock that could barely be called a "wall."

We climbed clumsily over steep parts, sauntered along flat parts, and cautiously descended vertigo-inducing stairs, all the while soaking up the magnificent vistas. I must have perspired half my weight in sweat that day but all I had to do was look around and that was motivation enough to keep going.

All along the way, 80-year old Chinese grandmothers and grandfathers would pester us to buy cold water, soda or beer (seriously, beer in the middle of a searing hot June day?) and I would wonder how they did it day after day. I guess that is how the Chinese live so long - doing things like hiking the Great Wall everyday!

In the middle of our hike, Marc needed to take a break. Thank God we had the foresight to bring toilet paper!

After 4 hours, 10 km, 528 pictures and 6 bottles of water, we finally made it to Simatai. I was happy to be there but sad that our once-in-a-lifetime journey had come to an end. Fortunately, the enterprising folks at Simatai had a surprise waiting for me. For just a few US dollars, we rode the Flying Fox down to the parking lot where our driver was waiting to take us to the nearest hospital, I mean our hotel.

P.S. If anyone knows where I can find an "I hiked, I complained, I nearly passed out, and I barely made it off the Great Wall!" t-shirt, let me know.

P.P.S. Don't worry Moms, Marc did not defecate on the Great Wall of China.

Taking Beijing by Storm

Place: Beijing, China

Language: Mandarin Chinese

Hello: Nĭ hău (knee how)

Thank you: Xièxie (shie shie)

People often ask us how we do it, all the traveling I mean. One guy in particular that Marc works with, although a seasoned traveler himself, is always astounded at the seemingly remote places that we travel to and the fantastic hotels that we stay at. To be fair, this particular gentleman only travels to places where there is a Four Seasons hotel, so his list of places to go is relatively limited. Marc and I, on the other hand, shy away from places like the Four Seasons or the Ritz Carlton unless it is an extremely good deal.

But that still doesn't explain how we choose where to go and where to stay. So here is the deal - we have a list. It may not be written down and it is in constant flux but generally, we know that during our time here, we want to travel to certain places. A few weeks or months before the next holiday, we decide which travel destination is the best for that particular time frame. If it is a 3 day weekend, we pick a place close by; if it is a week long holiday, we pick some place a bit further or perhaps a few different places but all within the same country. We also make sure that the time of year we are going is going to work, for example, we don't go diving on the west coast of Thailand when it is monsoon season and there is a possibility of tsunamis. Then Marc gets to work on the flights. This is an extremely long process whereby he finds out every single permutation and combination of flight(s), times and price. If the best flight based on times and prices is also on an airline partner for our airline miles, we've struck gold.

Next up, we study our guidebook on said travel destination. We are die hard Lonely Planet fanatics, and right now I count 10 Lonely Planet guidebooks on our bookshelves, plus the very important 1,000 Places to See Before You Die and a few other random travel books. We, and by "we" I really mean "I", study the maps and get the lay of the land to figure out what is the best area of town to stay.

Then, and this is probably the most important part so listen up, er... I mean pay attention, we go to Tripadvisor. I enter the name of the place, say Bangkok, Thailand, and click on hotels. The best part of Tripadvisor is that you can check out the hotels in order of popularity based on reviews. Real actual living travelers that have stayed at these places come back to this website to rate the hotel, write little snippets about their experience and post real-life pictures (not like the airbrushed marketing pictures from the hotel website). In all of our traveling (and Marc's traveling before he met me since he is the one who started me on Tripadvisor), we have NEVER gone wrong with the top 5 hotel listings. In fact, we have been so blown away that we no longer pay attention to other people's suggestions for where to stay, our travel agent's "good deals" on places to stay or even what Lonely Planet says about lodging. We simply go to Tripadvisor and pick one of the top hotels based on the ratings and price. Most people love a good deal, so often we find neat boutique hotels with great service for $60-100/night! So, really we're not travel geniuses, we just rely on the great invention Mr. Internets.

Why, pray tell, am I divulging all our travel secrets now you ask? Because I cannot fully explain our time in Beijing without giving credit to Storm. No, not a storm like water falling from the sky, but Storm, our #1 hotel concierge at the Holiday Inn in Beijing. I know what you are thinking, "Holiday Inn? Really?" but it was a swanky Holiday Inn not like the chintzy ones in the States. Check out pictures here but ignore the first picture of the Great Wall.

Storm is an Internet Celebrity. Virtually all the reviews rave about this Storm guy who helps with all our reservations, transportation, etc. and since the Holiday Inn was reasonably priced and #1 on the list of all hotels in Beijing, we knew we couldn't pass up meeting Mr. Storm.

We only had 3 days in Beijing, so we knew we were in for a typical jam-packed Liner vacation. Our first day, we woke up bright and early to enjoy our lovely free buffet breakfast. Wow what a spread! There was Chinese breakfast, American breakfast, British breakfast, fruits, cheese, you name it. As we are gorging ourselves with fuel for the day, a man from the hotel comes up to our table and greets us. He is very sneaky this one, appearing out of nowhere. He wants to know if we need any assistance with our travel plans. I surreptitiously look at his name tag which, of course, says "Storm." At this point, we totally lose our cool and start blabbering to him about how famous he is and how we're so excited to meet him and can we have his autograph.

After the initial shock, we tell him our plans for the day and he produces a bus pass for us and tells us how to get to where we are going. A Bus Pass people! How cute! Then, he asks us about our plans for the next day. We had already decided we wanted to see the Great Wall but we were having difficulty deciding which part to visit. Folks, the Great Wall isn't named thusly without a reason. It is, indeed, great and very long so there are multiple places to see it (although space is not one of them). We could (a) go to the closest point near Beijing where the Wall has been renovated and is in pristine condition but packed with tourists; (b) go to a point a bit further that is less crowded and not quite so pristine condition; or (c) go to the furthest point and hike 10km on crumbling piles of rock they call "The Great Wall" (but apparently the most authentic of our choices) all the way to point (b) which not too many tourists do. Storm lays out each option, as well as the pro/cons, and waits patiently while Marc and I collaborate. We make our choice and poof, it's done. Storm will arrange a private driver to take us to the Wall, wait for us and drive us back, so we're set for the next day too. He also arranges tickets for us to see the Chinese acrobats that evening. Just. Like. That. Amazing, 15 minutes at the breakfast table and we have our entire weekend itinerary planned.

We walk as instructed to the bus stop and along the way encounter a curious little girl sitting outside her parents' hardware store. Hey, cute sells merchandise, even toilets, in any country. Let's just hope she doesn't fall in!

First official stop on our Beijing tour is the infamous Tiananmen Square, the world's largest square. If you squint through the haze, you can make out the larger-than-life-size portrait of Mao Zedong, overlooking all the residents of Beijing and tens of thousand tourists who come to see him on a daily basis. Tiananmen is located adjacent to the Forbidden City and bisected by the busy road you see in the picture. In order to really see the square, you have to go up to the top of the Front Gate and look back.

I am now standing at the top of the Front Gate with Tiananmen Square behind me. If you look past all the pollution, you can see a large crowd in the large open area. It wasn't a demonstration or protest, that is just the daily load of tourists. As you can see, I too have been chewed up and spit out by the Chinese communist machine. Mao is da bomb.

So, for those of you who remember that we took this trip in June, you might be wondering how the Chinese government managed to eliminate all the pollution by August in time for the Olympics. Despite their claims that they have superior technology, including (and I'm not making this up) a machine that shoots chemicals into the air to prevent rain, the Chinese government lied. Plain and simple. The pollution in Beijing is the worst pollution I have ever seen/smelled/tasted. It is a yellowish brown haze that blankets the entire city. If you are walking around, you can literally taste the dirt and grime in the air. For the Olympics, the Chinese government merely shut down all the factories producing said smog for about 2-3 weeks prior to, as well as during, the Olympics. They also limited the amount of vehicles on the road by implementing an odd-even license plate driving schedule. I could write a whole blog entry on all the things that the government did that you never heard about. If only the shock therapy would stop long enough for me to type it out...

As we made our way into the Forbidden City, we stood in awe of the sprawling courtyards and massive buildings before us. The entire complex occupies over 200 acres and it took us several hours to cover the grounds. The Forbidden City served as the emperor's palace during the Ming and Qing dynasties. Chinese royalty lived their lives confined to the various buildings and gardens, rarely venturing outside the walls. This particular courtyard was big enough to hold imperial audiences of over 100,000 people. However, as the name implies, commoners were not allowed in the Forbidden City for over 500 years. Now, it serves as a tourist playground, complete with map to identify all the buildings.

Whoever got to name the numerous buildings must have really been hitting the opium pipe because these are the names of just a few: Hall of Supreme Harmony, Hall of Middle Harmony, Hall of Preserving Harmony, Palace of Heavenly Purity, Hall of Military Eminence, Hall of Literary Glory and Palace of Tranquil Longevity. At one point, Marc and I just started making up more names: Hall of Cloudy Disposition, Gate of the Powerful Ninja, Hall of Starry Nights, Hall of Mental Cultivation... oh wait, that last one was actually a real name.

After we cultivated our minds, we rented some bicycles and rode through the hutong neighborhoods. Hutongs are narrow alleys with crumbling buildings that many Beijing residents call home. Sadly, many of these neighborhoods are being bulldozed to make way for more high-rise buildings so who knows how long this way of life will exist. Our Lonely Planet guide had a great bike tour that took us through these poor areas and offered us a great view of how the some of the locals live. At one point, I realized I had an admirer checking me out. To be fair, he could have been jealous of my bike, it was a sweet ride for only $5/day.

Here is another exceptional picture of daily hutong life brought to you by my hubby:

After our bike tour, we barely made it back in time to wash up and go to the Chinese acrobat show. I wish I could show you pictures of their amazing feats but photography was not allowed. Let's just say that the Chinese female gymnasts are not the only 8 year olds that can bend like that. If you ask me, I think it is something in the milk that cultivates all these contortionists.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's blog on hiking, crawling, dragging, staggering and whining on the Great Wall. I know I have been terrible about posting blogs lately but I have a great excuse: I have been without a computer for almost a month and I just got it back. For anyone wondering what happens when you spill lemonade on a laptop right in the little vents above the motherboard, well, you can stop wondering because it isn't pretty. I blew up my computer. Thankfully the hard drive was not affected and my all-inclusive Dell warranty covered all the damage (after a bit of yelling). In other words, I'm BACK!