One Night in Bangkok

Place: Bangkok, Thailand

Language: Thai
Hello: Sàwàtdii (khráp/khâ) If you are male, you add khráp to the end to show respect. If you are female, you add khâ. (sa wa dee crap/sa wa dee kah)
Thank you: Khàwp khun (khráp/khâ) (ka pun crap/ka pun kah)

Yes, we actually spent one night in Bangkok like the song goes. And if Marc sings or hums that song one more time, I'm going to send him back to Bangkok with a one-way ticket. Honestly, how many times can one sing the chorus in one day?!!??!??!!

We also spent one whirlwind day trying to the most of our time in this crazy city. Luckily, I had studied the Lonely Planet guide thoroughly before getting there because after visiting, I have decided to rename Bangkok "The City of 1,000 Scams." If I hadn't read it myself, I wouldn't have believed it.

Lonely Planet warns:

Just Say No: Bangkok Scams. Be wary of smartly dressed men who approach you asking where you're from and where you're going. These upmarket con artists have the gift of the gab, but any promises they make will cost you money sooner or later. There are 4 typical schemes:

1 - Closed today. Ignore any "friendly" local who tells you that an attraction is closed for a Buddhist holiday or for cleaning. These are set-ups for trips to a bogus gem sale.

As soon as we exited our taxi at the Grand Palace, it took about 10 seconds for us to be approached by one of these guys. "It is Big Buddha Birthday today," he said. "The Grand Palace is closed and only locals can go to pray until noon, then it will reopen to the public." REALLY? Mmmmmhmmmm....

We got the SAME thing by another scam artist upon exiting the Grand Palace and I kept saying "No it's not, Buddha's Birthday is in May" until he left us alone (it really is, look it up). You can't even stop for 2 minutes to consult your map before you are accosted by these vultures!

2 - Tuk-tuk rides for 10B (1 Thai Baht = $0.03 USD, so about $0.30 USD). Say goodbye to your day's itinerary if you climb aboard this ubiquitous scam. These alleged "tours" bypass all the sights and instead cruise to all the fly-by-night gem and tailor shops that pay commissions.

Our "helpful" new friend then tried to get us to take this 10B tuk-tuk ride until the Grand Palace opened at noon. Um, yea, OK, like I'm going ANYWHERE with you buddy.

3 - Flat-Fare taxi ride. Flatly refuse any driver who quotes a flat fare (usually between 100B and 150B for in-town destinations), which will be 3 times more expensive than the meter rate. Sometimes walking beyond the tourist area will help in finding an honest driver.

This seemed simple enough. If they offered a flat fare, we would refuse and ask the driver to turn on the meter. Easier said than done. Around the main tourist sites, the taxi cab drivers would not accept our ride and would just drive off. Trying to get to the Chatuchak Market (see below), we hailed no less than 5 taxis who each tried to get us to ride for a flat rate of 300B-400B. We refused and walked a few blocks away until we got an honest driver and paid about 100B for the 45 minute ride.

4 - Tourist buses to the south. On the long journey south, pickpockets have hours to comb through your bags, breaking into (and later re-sealing) locked bags, searching through hiding places and stealing credit cards, electronics and even toiletries. One traveller reported that his stolen credit card was used to pay for the trip's petrol. How generous.

Thankfully, we did not take any buses so we didn't have this problem but if we ever travel from Bangkok to the Andaman Coast, we'll be prepared.

The thing that really gets me, though, is the audacity of the scammers. There are entire sections in guidebooks warning about them and yet, they continue to perform the same scam day after day. I mean, COME ON! The gig is up guys! I guess that some people really do fall for it or else they wouldn't keep doing it. But the real question is can you really make a living like that? I imagine cocktail parties in Bangkok going something like this:

• So, what do you do?
• I do the 10B tuk-tuk ride scam.
• Oh really? Me too! Where do you get your victims?
• The south-side of the Grand Palace.
• Oh, I used to do the Grand Palace. Now, I get mine on the north-side of the Reclining Buddha, I found better luck there. You should try it sometime...

After being accosted by the "friendly" local, we made it into the Grand Palace and MAN is it grand!

Is it me or do each of those guards look like Tiger Woods? Marc was making fun of me, because everywhere I turned, I saw Tiger. He is part-Thai after all.

The Grand Palace is a huge compound of buildings with beautifully ornate Thai roofs. The Palace grounds used to be used by the royal family but the new king decided he needed some new digs, preferably without as many tourists around, and therefore had a new palace built elsewhere in the city. The Grand Palace now, although heavily guarded, is only used for ceremonial pomp and circumstance and the scenery for many tourists' pictures.

Also within the walls of the Grand Palace is Wat Phra Kaew (Wat means Temple in Thai as you will find out soon enough). The temple buildings are even more ornate with beautiful gilded facades and intricate tile work. The 3 main spires that you can see in the following photo represent Sri Lanka, Thailand and Cambodia, and just to the right is another big building representing a Chinese temple:

Once inside, we were just in awe at the intricacy of the buildings' facades. There is even a not-so-miniature replica of Angkor Wat in Cambodia. On the Thai chedi (spire), I took this close-up to show you just how much gilded artwork and how many tiny little pieces of mirrored tile go into one small section of the chedi. These little pieces of tiles cover the entire building!

How would you like to be the guy that crazy-glued each of those little tiles on the building? Or even worse, checks the building for missing pieces?

Guarding the temple buildings are these big, mean, scary looking guards.

I'd be scared if I was a demon trying to get in and saw those 30 foot guards!
Hmmm, where in the world is Sabrina?

The main temple in the Wat Phra Kaew is home of the Emerald Buddha. You would think with such a name, he would be made of emerald, but he's not. He's actually make of jasper quartz and nephrite jade. Booooooo... I was hoping for a huge chunk of emerald. Also, he was a lot smaller than I thought he was going to be. Here's a few things I learned at the Temple of the Emerald Buddha that I can share since we weren't allowed to take pictures of the disappointingly small deity (although you can see some illegally taken pictures here http://reviews.ebay.com/The-Emerald-Buddha_W0QQugidZ10000000004604879):

• The Emerald Buddha gets dressed up all year long. He has 3 outfits made of gold and changed for the different seasons, one for hot season, one for the rainy season and one for the cool season. When we went, he was wearing the rainy season outfit. The King of Thailand gets to change the Emerald Buddha's clothing.
• All other Buddhas are also outfitted with the same outfit and there are a lot of Buddha in Thailand so there must be a lot of clothing getting changed.
• You have to Dress to Impress the Big Guy. In order to be allowed entrance into any temple, but especially the Temple of the Emerald Buddha, you must be wearing long pants (not capris), a shirt that cover your shoulders and closed-toed shoes. I read my guidebook and therefore, we were sweating up a storm in our jeans, t-shirts and shoes. However, some other people didn't read so closely (I bet they also got scammed) and they had to rent clothes at the gate before they were allowed in. Women got to wear long sarongs with silly prints on them while the men were wearing big baggy chef pants with similar silly prints. I wish they would let up on this policy. I mean, Catholics just say you have to have your shoulders covered. We went in OCTOBER and it was 95 degrees, can you imagine in the dead middle of summer? I bet people die of heat stroke!
• You can't wear your closed-toed shoes in the temple (so what's the point of wearing them in?). You must take your shoes off before you enter and put them somewhere on a really long shoe rack among everyone else's stinky shoes. Marc suggested I go up to the woman attendant and tell her I was looking for a size 6 1/2. Funny boy, that made me forgive him for the first 10 renditions of One Night in Bangkok.
• You can't point your feet at the Buddha. So, when entering, you must take care to point your feet elsewhere and since there are no seats in the temple, you must kneel with your feet tucked under you or to the side.

Man, that's a LOT of rules! Every single temple in Thailand is like that! There also all kinds of other social rules you must obey. Like, as a woman, I can't touch a monk or his belongings (not that I'd want to) and to avoid an accidental brushing, I must not sit next to a monk if on a bus and let them pass first on a crowded street. I was paying acute attention to this as there are many monks walking around the temples. I even saw a woman get up from her seat on a water ferry and move to the other side of the boat when a monk got on.

Thai people do a bow like the Japanese called a wai, they put their hands together as in prayer and bow a little bit upon greeting you and saying goodbye or performing some service to you. You can return a wai to an adult but not to children or servers.

The head is considered the highest part of the body, so you must never touch a Thai on the head or ruffle their hair. Conversely, the feet are considered the lowest part of the body and you should never step over them if they are lying on the floor, stepping around them or asking them to move instead.

When handing something to someone, like money, you must use your right hand and place your left hand on your elbow as a sign of good manners.

If eating at someone's house, you must never eat everything off your plate or else it looks like you are still hungry. Instead, you should over-serve yourself and leave a little bit of food on your plate.

Thailand was definitely a cultural experience and I really enjoyed learning about all their customs even if I did have to think carefully about everything I did and I lost 10 pounds in sweat visiting 3 temples in 95 degree weather.

Next up, we took a tuk-tuk ride to the Temple of the Reclining Buddha (or Wat Pho). A tuk-tuk is a colorful little motorized rickshaw, and they aren't just for tourists. Locals use tuk-tuks for riding short distances, although most locals don't take silly pictures like this:

Yup, we're a couple of dorks. The guy in the front is our funny tuk-tuk driver. Approximately 3 minutes later, we arrived at our destination. The Reclining Buddha is the largest reclining Buddha in the world; it is 138 feet long and 45 feet tall. We could hardly get the whole thing in the picture:

I was going to do something funny like take a picture with me sticking my finger in the air as if I was picking the Buddha's nose, but #1 - it's too tall, and #2 - Marc convinced me not to. Dang Thai temple rules!

Finally, we visited our last temple, Wat Arun, which looks like a gigantic missile. In order to get there, we had to take a water taxi across the Chao Phraya River which cost us a whopping 12 cents (US). In fact, on our way back, we didn't have enough change and the lady who was taking our money couldn't make change for us, so she let me go on it for free - WOAH, big spender! Marc took this great shot of some kids playing in the Chao Phraya from the water taxi:

We watched these kids jump in the murky brown possibly dengue-fever-ridden water about a half dozen times. I was shocked that anyone would let their kids do this but when I got back, my godmother (who lived in Thailand for 11 years) told me that the locals do everything in the Chao Phraya, even brush their teeth! Ugh!

Wat Arun isn't much to write home about:

It doesn't have any Buddhas in it, but from the top of the monument, you can get some really great views of the city, including the Grand Palace across the river. While there I was able to do the stick shaky fortune telling thing and got the following fortune #10 and no, I'm not making this up [editor's notes in brackets]:

"Like being dumb [what?]. Difficult to express yourself clearly [Do they know I'm an attorney?]. Feeling uncertain [about what exactly?]. Forthcoming child shall be a baby girl [what if I had been a male and got this fortune?]. Lost items could never be recovered [isn't that why they are lost?]. Illnes condition unfavorable [I'm feeling fine thanks, except for the queasy feeling I get when I read a typo like Illnes, get a dictionary!]. Discovering a mate who could become a satisfactory match [does the engagement ring give it away?]. No lucks [then why am I happy, engaged and living in a cool city where I get to travel a lot?]. Should be careful [thanks mom]."

Done with our temple hopping for the day, we quickly peeled off our respective jeans and changed into shorts to go to the Chatuchak Market. Lonely Planet describes the market as follows: "This gigantic market is the daddy of all Thai markets, with thousands of vendors selling everything from live rabbits to hill-tribe handicrafts to potted plants, crockery and hardware. This is easily the best place in Bangkok to buy handicrafts, clothes and other impulse buys. Good souvenirs that you can find here include silver hill-tribe jewellery, traditional Thai clothing, Thai and Lao silk, opium pipes, wooden chopsticks, stainless steel Thai cutlery, lacquerware, bamboo placemats, wooden bowls and cases, reproduction celadon, bronzeware, woodcarvings, baskets and fake brand-name jeans... Phew! Around 200,000 people mob the market every Saturday and Sunday." Nope, that's not a typo - 200,000 people! They are not exaggerating, that place is a zoo, literally and figuratively. Folks, there is a section where you can buy pets and not just cats, dogs, birds, reptiles, and hamsters, you can even take home your own pet squirrel:

It took me 5 minutes to convince Marc we couldn't take a squirrel across international borders. We almost got lost inside the 30 acres of the stalls several times but managed to find a map and used Marc's trusty compass to get around. By the time we got there, we only had about 2 hours of shopping before all the stalls started closing, but we did do some damage, buying Christmas presents, Thai masks and my personal favorite, a wooden elephant stool we named Bert:

He is actually carved out of a tree trunk if you can believe that. We are currently using him as a plant stand in the window. I cannot tell you how insanely cheap most things in that market are, and nice stuff made of real wood and hard-carved not mass-produced schlock. Bert set us back a little less than $20 (US) and he is big! About 1 foot in diameter and a foot tall, he weighs 20 pounds easy, just ask Marc who had to carry him back on his head to the hotel and onto the plane. The beautiful exotic items in this huge market are the sorts of things you see at Pier One Imports or Cost Plus World Market for 3-4 times what they cost at Chatuchak. I'm sure that the buyers for those places actually go to this market to buy things in bulk and jack up the prices in the US. It's going to make me think twice about buying things in those stores now that I know how cheap they are in Thailand!

If I were more of an entrepeneur, I would find a way to import these items into the US and have my own housewares stuff. Those Buckhead Bettys would go nuts over some of the most exotic items, knowing that Suzy down the street will be jealous and paying a pretty penny for their one-of-a-kind knick-knacks. In fact, while we were haggling over Bert, 2 women and a man were purchasing 30 wooden elephant stools to take home to Iran and sell in their store. Marc started talking to them and they admitted they could make 70% profit on the wholesale price they were purchasing the stools for. Heck, in the US, I'd bet you could get 150% over wholesale!

As for Bert, I have no idea how we are getting him to the US, but we'll find a way.

Operation Ko Samui

Place; Ko Samui, Thailand

Language: Thai
Hello: Sàwàtdii (khráp/khâ) If you are male, you add khráp to the end to show respect. If you are female, you add khâ. (sa wa dee crap/sa wa dee kah)
Thank you: Khàwp khun (khráp/khâ) (ka pun crap/ka pun kah)

I thought about posting a blog written entirely in sarcasm like this:

Ko Samui sucked. Big-time. Man, the weather was sunny the whole time. The beaches had this awful soft sand and turquoise waters. Plus, there were Thai ladies that would massage you for $10 (US) and it felt terrible. Our trip to Ang Thong was a huge disappointment with redundant scenery of mountains, tropical islands and the most boring blue water you've ever seen. Plus, the elephants were big and hairy.

But, fearing that the sarcasm wouldn't translate well into the written form, I'm just going to have to revert to talking about how great everything was.

We disembarked our "speedboat" (another 2 hours getting back) on Ko Samui and took the complimentary shuttle to our hotel. Funny thing happened on the way, see, we were on a group shuttle and had to drop off some other people at another hotel before ours (this becomes important in a minute). When we pulled up to our hotel, Marc got his bag off the top of the shuttle van and I waited patiently for the driver to get mine. Um, except mine wasn't where they put it when we arrived. In fact, it wasn't in or on the shuttle anywhere. I said, "Where is my suitcase? You know, the BIG RED one that you can't lose?" The driver looked at me sheepishly and said "Oh, Anantara." Yes folks, they left my suitcase in the driveway of that other hotel where we dropped off the other people. Luckily, it was only 5 minutes away, so I checked in while Marc rode with the driver back to the hotel to get my bag which, remarkably was still in the middle of the driveway and not in the couple's room.

Crisis averted, we asked the hotel front desk lady about transportation on the island. We had read and witnessed first-hand that most people on the island get around on little motorized scooters like mopeds or small motorcycles. However, I had also read the fine print about the dozens of drivers and riders who die each year on the death-mobiles. Apparently, mothers see fit to scoot their ENTIRE families around on one moped. Usually, a kid in the back, one riding in front and one strapped to her chest. People even take their dogs around for a little scoot! But the front desk lady assured us that if we drove safely and slowly and didn't let the "real cars and trucks" bully us off the road, we would be fine. The guy that usually rented out mopeds was around somewhere she said, so she went and got the key from him. We didn't have to fill out any paperwork or get insurance or anything. They didn't even need to see our passports or identification of any kind, nor did we actually have to show a drivers license or certify that we even knew how to drive. So, nerdy helmets in hand, we rented our 2-person moped for a mere $8/day.

Man, was it fun! After I got over my fear of other mopeds zipping dangerously close to us, the steep hills and sharp curves, and released my death grip on Marc, we had a blast! We rode that thing everywhere on the island, including the middle of the island where we met Nicole.

Nicole, the big, hairy elephant, was awesome. She took us on a ride through the jungle in the middle of the island. The guide even let Marc and I take turns at the driver's wheel, er, head. We stopped every once in a while to let her eat grass (she has to get her 500 kilos every day somehow) and drink water, then she led us to the Na Muang waterfalls. Nicole was really docile and when Marc dropped his water bottle, she even picked it up for us. I think it (the elephant trekking, not dropping his water bottle) was the highlight of Marc's trip.

Next up, we scooted into town where we putzed around and bought touristy t-shirts and walked through a local market. I was intrigued by the local "cuisine":

In the first two bins, those are caterpillars with spinach leaves, the bin she is scooping out contains what looks like larvae and the last 2 bins are fried grasshoppers tossed with more spinach leaves. That kid you see in the picture? He couldn't stop eating them! I saw him eat 3 just while standing there taking a picture. Marc said he would have tried a grasshopper but there were bugs flying around the "food."

Seeking out more conventional food and sanitary conditions, we made our way back to the hotel where the front desk lady praised us for not dying on the road and gave us a great restaurant recommendation. We walked down the street about 5 minutes to a little place called Starfish and Coffee. Strange name, I'll admit, but Chef Ming prepared our calamari appetizer, a silver pomfret fish with mango chutney for me and a lemon pepper pomfret fish for Marc in front of our very eyes:

Oh man was it tasty! Then, we had the best dessert ever: mango with coconut sticky rice. I've been having this dessert at every restaurant we've been to that has it on the menu ever since. Diet? What diet? It's rice and fruit, which is what skinny Asians eat anyway, how bad can it be?

While we were eating dinner, I noticed little balls of fire behind Marc's head and I realized that I had seen these things before on the travel channel. Somewhere north on the island, people were setting off these little tealight hot air-balloon things and they were alighting into the starry night sky. In India, the Locals do the same thing except, they put the tealights in these tiny floating boats and make a wish on them as they send them down the river. This picture doesn't do it justice but we watched those little candle balloons go way up until it seemed they were going to reach the moon:

The next day we woke up early for our day-trip to Ang Thong National Marine Park. For those of you who have seen the movie The Beach, you might remember that this is where the mythical Beach is supposed to have been. Yes, it actually exists but there is no community of rastafarians living in the middle of them and you don't have to fend off machine-wielding marijuana farmers, luckily for us. The national park is an archipelago of islands and no one is allowed to live on the islands. In fact, you can only snorkel on one small part of the ocean around the islands and there are certain islands that you are allowed to visit if you pay the park fee. Some of the filming took place in Ang Thong while most of the scenes were filmed on other islands off the west coast of Thailand. We're going to seek them out and report back.

Now, Marc and I aren't exactly the tour group types, we like to explore on our own and find our own unique forms of transportation and itineraries. However, since taking a tour boat to the islands is the only way to get to Ang Thong, we really didn't have a choice. We boarded our speedboat along with about a dozen other tourists to start our day-long journey. First stop, we passed by "James Bond Island" (JBI). I'm using quotation marks here because this is not actually James Bond Island, it is a replica of the real James Bond Island off the west coast of Thailand (again, another place we hope to explore on future trips). Next, we pulled up to a small island next to JBI with a thin strip of beach where we spent some time on the beach, wading in the crystal clear water and exploring some really neat caves made out of cut-outs on the island. It is sort of hard to describe, so here is a picture of the cut-outs I'm talking about:

We horsed around in the caves produced by these cut-outs for a while and, what else? We took pictures:

As part of the tour, we also got to go sea kayaking around the island for about 45 minutes. Can you guess who was doing all the work?

After our scenic work-out, we were taken to another part of the island which is actually part of Ko Samui and where people are allowed to inhabit the island. There, we were served a sumptuous Thai lunch with the rest of the folks on the boat.

It is at this point where I'm debating whether to tell you about a couple that we noticed on the boat. I'm always afraid of offending anyone but Marc said that anything we witness on vacation is fair game, so here goes.

Our boat was a melting pot of nationalities, there were Asians, Brits, Spaniards, Aussies, Americans, you name it. But one couple in particular just seemed like they didn't belong, not in the group mind you, but together. The female was obviously Thai and, once he spoke, we are taking an educated guess that the male was Dutch. His English was great, while his "partner" didn't speak a lick of English. They were traveling with another Thai/Dutch couple and it was clear that the men knew each other and the women knew each other. Every once in a while you could hear the females talking amongst themselves in Thai. The other couple actually seemed together, like they were married, but the couple in question looked like they just met the previous week. The female, let's call her Sue, was young and dressed to the nines. I'm talking fancy stilettos, short shorts with a flashy belt, sparkly top, designer sunglasses and a white straw hat that had "Amazing Thailand" written on the band. She looked like she was getting ready to walk the strip in search of a rich John. The man, let's call him Bob, was older than her by about 20 years and dressed more appropriately for a boat ride among the Thai islands in a t-shirt and shorts but had a matching "Amazing Thailand" hat. He was really outgoing and spoke to us a few times making funny remarks but Sue was having nothing of it. Sue looked extremely bored to be on the trip and even fell asleep at times on the boat. She went along with the motions of kayaking but she didn't even acknowledge that Bob was in the kayak with her or even that she was supposed to be with him. It was very strange. And Bob just looked like a kid in a candy store, like he has just won the lottery with Sue. He kept looking over at her with this love-struck glimmer in his eye while she obviously ignored him. It was painful to watch just how much she detested being with him. Yet, they had obviously been traveling together at least for a few days because we later saw those hats in Bangkok.

Since we couldn't outright ask them what the deal was, we came up with a story of our own but I have a feeling we are very close to the truth. Again, not trying to offend anyone or create any stereotypes about Thai women, so here goes. We think Sue is supposed to be Bob's mail order bride. Thailand is known as a place where men can come to find beautiful Thai brides, so we're not actually going on a limb here. We think that they met a few days before and that the other couple was also a product of the mail order system. My guess is that the girls knew each other and the first bride told Sue that her husband had a great friend for her, so they set it up (not a true mail order scenario but that Bob came to meet her, take her home and marry her). Now, I don't know why she wasn't more excited to have a sugar daddy taking her on a tour of Thailand, but why else would they be together when it was very clear that they didn't know each other? Marc's more sinister hypothesis involves monetary compensation but I'm not so sure about that one. I think Bob just wants a PYT (pretty young thing) to take home, show off and "take care of." We'll never know for sure, but I will say that we saw another couple later on in our trip that fit the same description so who knows...

Back on the boat, we rode around the islands and Marc took about 5 pictures a minute. More beautiful islands/water/scenery, blah blah blah. We docked another island where we hiked up some rocky terrain to see the Emerald Lagoon, the place where The Beach was supposed to be. The Emerald Lagoon doesn't actually have a beach, so the rest of the filming took place on other islands, but that didn't stop Marc from taking 47 pictures of it from different angles. The lake itself is entirely surrounded by mountains so that there is no exit to the sea directly from the lake. However, the water in the lake is sea water that percolates from an underground tunnel. Marc was kind enough to take a video for your viewing pleasure:

After that, the boat took us to the place in Ang Thong National Marine Park where you are allowed to go snorkeling. We had brought our own gear so we were able to use our fins to get away from the rest of the group who had been given loaner masks and snorkels but no fins. With our new-found freedom, we were able to go exploring in some caves that even the boat driver didn't know about. The caves opened up into cavernous rocky rooms that were 30 feet tall. At the top of one cave, there was a cenote, or an opening where the sun was able to shine in. It was really neat. Sorry, no pictures because our digital camera isn't waterproof.

After a day of excitement, we were dropped off near our hotel. We had a drink by the pool and then got ready for dinner. As we didn't have any recommendations for dinner that night, we did a dumb thing and went to a place that we recognized because we had seen many billboards advertising it. The place was called the Happy Elephant and it was terrible. Honestly, the fish I ate tasted awful and made me ill the next day. The entertainment was a father/son duo who couldn't carry a tune a bucket, and we were seated right in front of them. The only applause they got from me was when they went on a break. However, I figured that if the only bad thing about Thailand was the Happy Elephant, I could live with that.

We retired early to bed as our flight the next day left at 6am for Bangkok. We only had one day in Bangkok and we were planning on making the most of it.

Stay tuned for One Night in Bangkok, coming up in a few days, I promise. I can't put it off any longer since we're going to China on Friday, so I can't get behind on my blog posting!

I Have a New Favorite Country

Place: Ko Tao, Thailand

Language: Thai

Hello: Sàwàtdii (khráp/khâ) If you are male, you add khráp to the end to show respect. If you are female, you add khâ. (sa wa dee crap/sa wa dee kah)

Thank you: Khàwp khun (khráp/khâ) (ka pun crap/ka pun kah)

I have a new favorite country, and it's name is Thailand (sigh).....

Yes folks, France is *so* 2005. Now that I am a (more) seasoned traveler, I have realized that there are places better than the Musee d'Orsay and the French Riviera -- and cheaper too! Thailand is absolutely magical and the people there are SO nice, certainly nicer than the French who turn their noses at you if they even suspect you might be American.

Our tour of Thailand began with, what else? The airport. We flew from Hong Kong through Bangkok to Ko Samui, an island off the eastern coast of Thailand in the Gulf of Thailand.

{Editor's Note: If you have ever seen a little movie called Meet the Parents, you may remember Operation Ko Samui where Ben Stiller tries to out Robert De Niro but instead foils De Niro's surprise honeymoon trip for his daughter. More on that (Ko Samui, not the movie) later in Part Deux.}

We land at Ko Samui International Airport and take a little tram (like the kind they have in the Disneyworld parking lot) from the runway to the luggage pickup, which is under a thatched roof. See, the airport is not indoors, it is open air, like a Florida mall. I see the sun for the first time in 2 months and I immediately have to put on my "Chanel" sunglasses. While I wait for the bags to arrive via a separate tram, Marc gets our boat tickets ($30 for a 2-hour speedboat ride) so that we can get to Ko Tao, our destination for the next 2 days. I look around and notice that there are quite a few backpackers, you know the kind: large, stuffed hiking backpacks with marijuana leaf patches, dreadlock hair, wrinkled clothes, grime from the night (or perhaps 2 weeks before), sandals optional. It's like I have stepped into the movie The Beach. I realize quickly that these travelers are not here for fun in the sun, they are here for the Full Moon Party, set to take place that night on Ko Pha-Ngan. Think Ibiza, but dirtier and more drugs. Lovely.

Before we board the 2-hour speedboat, I smartly decide to use the restroom at the airport. I don't know what I was expecting, but the nicest, cleanest, most chic public bathroom I have ever seen was not it. Seriously, there was a 300 gallon aquarium with tropical fish in the wall as you enter, then inside, there is a zen garden-type courtyard complete with fountain (to help you go if you need, I suppose). The stalls are individual rooms with beautiful wood panels and high-end fixtures. There were even fresh orchids next to the sink. I told Marc (the connoisseur of high-end bathrooms) that he HAD to check it out and he was equally impressed.

We got on the boat and settled in for the long but scenic ride to Ko Tao where Marc took approximately 6,824 pictures. Along the way, we dropped off the backpackers in time for their 4:20 appointment. We also dropped off some families who were spending the day in Ko Nang Yuan (more about that later too). We pulled into paradise, I mean Ko Tao, and docked next to the long-tail boats used to ferry people around the island and across the bay to Ko Nang Yuan. It was at this point that Marc began his affair with the long-tail boats. There are more pictures of these boats than me, him or us combined.

From the dock, we took a "taxi," and I use that term loosely, to get to our accommodations. I say loosely because it wasn't so much a taxi as the back of a pick-up truck. Not joking.

As we had passed the Ko Tao coast on the way to the dock, Marc had taken some pictures of the cute bungalows next to the water. On the Thai islands, you can stay in these really cheap bungalows right next to the water for as little as $40/night. It's incredibly cheap and the food on these resorts are just as cheap and delicious. Although he was just taking scenic pictures, Marc actually managed to accidentally but fortuitously take a picture of our bungalow at Charm Churee Village.

We were up in that little hut labeled Cabin 7, one of the Panorama Bungalows. And boy did we have a nice view:We had an entire little cabin to ourselves with a private front porch with a hammock and a back deck with lounge chairs, it was too cute for words. Now, I'm going to say this right now, we are not employees of Charm Churee, nor did we get paid to say this, but it is BY FAR the best place I've ever stayed. And really affordable too! If we were to stay in a little bungalow like Cabin 7 in the US or the Caribbean, expect it to set you back several thousand dollars a night. The service was incredible and the private beach owned by the resort, Jansom Bay, was just a few hundred yards down some steps:

We met the owner, Jackson, who took several pictures of us with the scenery in the background and told us about the resort and how each cabin is built by hand. He employs Locals from the island and they can finish a cabin in about 3 months. In fact, from where this picture was taken, they were building another one. Jackson even came up with the idea to put bamboo rafts in the middle of the bay for people to sit or lay on, and build an open-air massage cabana on top of the cliffs overlooking the ocean.

We went down to the beach where we ordered lunch and daiquiris, then snorkeled for a bit in the crystal clear waters of Jansom Bay. The fish are absolutely fearless, they come right up to you and there are so many that sometimes you have a hard time seeing the other fish and coral because they are all up in your business!

After 2 fruity frothy girlie drinks with pineapples, umbrellas and various other accoutrements, we passed out on our respective beach chaises and proceeded to fry to a crispy pink color. And yes, Moms, in case you are wondering, we did have sunscreen on. Now, I know what it is like to be a whitey - it hurts.

Later that day, we walked into town where we booked our dives for the next day and met some quirky New Zealanders. They helped navigate us into town from Charm Churee and had us laughing the entire way. The highly recommended the resort's restaurant and, since we hadn't made dinner plans yet, we went ahead and took their recommendation. Man, what a good idea that was.

The restaurant is on a wooden deck on top of the water, the perfect place to see the sunset and enjoy more of the fruity cocktail concoctions we had on the beach. We ate there again the second night and I ordered the same exact thing, it was THAT good! For the record, I highly recommend the corn fritters for appetizers, shrimp tempura and pineapple rice for the main entree, and homemade coconut ice cream for dessert. Plus, it was really neat because you sat on these weird Thai floor cushions that support your back and you can just lounge after a big meal and watch your belly expand before your very eyes!

Seriously though folks, if you go to Thailand, which you MUST go sometime in your life, go to Ko Tao and stay at Charm Churee. The airfare may be expensive and just a tad bit out of the way but once you get there, everything is so cheap and good, that it totally makes up for it. I'd say it would be the same amount of money total as if you went to the Caribbean and then you can make your friends jealous when you tell them you went to Thailand for your summer vacation.

The next day, we woke up *early* to go diving at 2 famous diving spots in the Gulf of Thailand: Chumphon Pinnacle and Southwest Pinnacles. I wish I could say it sucked, but it didn't. It totally lives up to the hype. We saw sharks, a blue-spotted ray, tons of really colorful tropical fish, some of which I hadn't even seen before, and some really great coral with colorful clams that would close up if you waved your hand in front of them. Some of the boys even saw a moray e--, but as you probably know if you know me at all, I totally did not want to see it, so the dive master told me when to swim around the coral so I wouldn't hyperventilate and die. It's not good for business if one of your divers dies. In any event, I hear it was about 2 feet long. I mean, HOLY CRAP! 2 FREAKIN' FEET LONG! (breathe, breathe, breathe.......)

Moving on... The only thing that I wish we could have seen was the illusive whale shark. Apparently we missed a baby whale shark the day before even though it wasn't prime time for them to be swimming around. At least we've seen the whale sharks at the Atlanta Aquarium - I love that vixen Trixie!

After we got back from our morning dives, we debated going back out for some afternoon diving or waterskiing in sumo suits. Yes, ladies and gentleman, on Ko Tao, you can get pulled behind a boat in all manner of things: skis, wakeboards, tubes and even a sumo suit. Being the avid waterskier that I am, I HAD to try it out even though my wrist may not technically be 100% healed but alas, it wasn't meant to be as the waterskiing was on the other side of the island and we couldn't get over there without renting an ATV and risking our lives even more to get over the steep mountain in the middle of the island. Fine.

Instead, we went to Ko Nang Yuan where we had dropped off some day-trippers the day before. We hailed a water taxi (a/k/a/ Marc's mistress, a long-tail boat) and hopped aboard for the 5 minute ferry over to the island which is also a national park. We had to check our flippers at the entrance of the park because they want to protect the coral and fish around the island. The island itself is really small but has really picturesque beaches and these weird rock formations that somehow don't move despite what I erroneously believed was the fairly important rule of gravity:

We did some more snorkeling, climbing on rocks, laying around and took even more pictures before we went back to Ko Tao for massages and dinner.

Oh. My. Goodness. We had Thai massages in the little massage cabana overlooking the water at night under the almost-full moon and I swore I did not want to go anywhere else for the rest of my life. This tiny Thai woman took my body and contorted it into positions I didn't even know were possible - and It. Felt. Good! Marc laid next to me getting pounded into submission by his own tiny Thai man and every once in a while I could hear him happily grunting. And get this, an hour of massages in the cabana cost us a whopping $30 and that is EXPENSIVE for Thailand! Usually, they are $10 if you get them on the beach. Seriously folks, you have to go.

The next day, we were scheduled to go back to Ko Samui for the second leg of our Thailand adventure and trust me, we did everything in our power to miss our boat, but we knew we had to leave in search of more adventures, if only to be able to write about them on this blog. So, we boarded the speedboat and took off for Round 2.

Videos from Ko Tao can be found at the following links. Enjoy!

Ko Nang Yuan

Jansom Bay

Shanghai Days

We woke up on Saturday to a cloudy (but not rainy) day so we decided to trek out to the Shanghai Zoo. It was slightly drizzling and the zoo was about an hour from the hotel via metro and taxi, but to heck with convention, we wanted to see some pandas, gosh darn it. The zoo itself was huge, over 600 species of animals, although we skipped the reptile terrarium on my insistence. Think of any animal with legs, and we saw it: panda bears, monkeys, tigers, ostriches, giraffes, bears, cheetahs, even baboons with little red bums. In the middle of the zoo were huge fields of green grass the likes of which I hadn't seen in 3 months!

The best part by far though, was the elephant show. OSHA regulations gone by the wayside, the elephants came right up to the audience so we could touch them and feed them cucumbers.

The elephants really stole the show though. They danced, walked the balance beam, stood on their hind legs and front legs, played basketball (although to be fair, they had a slight height advantage) and even played football (er, soccer), Beckham style!

There was only one tiny mishap. The show started off with 5 elephants and 5 trainers but at the end of the show, there were 5 elephants and only 4 trainers:

Ha ha, just kidding but seriously, who would want *that* job??!??!?!

Later that afternoon, we took a walking tour of the Bund, the promenade next to the Huangpu River, aided by our friend, Lonely Planet. By then, it was raining again but since we'd already done some sightseeing during a typhoon when we first got there, we thought, "what's a little rain?" Luckily, it wasn't nearly as windy as it was the first night. We learned about the magnificent buildings that made up Shanghai's "Wall Street" in the early 1900's and Marc took pictures of each individual building. I'll spare you with just this one pic:

Just across the river, the neon buildings in Pudong make up Shanghai's "Wall Street" of the early 2000's.

Who knows what the Shanghai "Wall Street" will look like in the 2100's.

The next day, we only had a few hours before we had to catch our flight back to Hong Kong, so we went to the Shanghai Museum, by far one of the top 3 museums I have ever been to. From bronze water vessels from the Neolithic Age to stone sculptures to Chinese paintings to calligraphy to intricate jade figurines to furniture from the Ming dynasty to coins used in trading on the Silk Road to Nepalese costumes and masks to blue and white porcelain pieces, it is no wonder this anything-but-boring museum is one of the 1,000 Places to See Before You Die. Over 5,000 years of Chinese culture displayed with signs in English! We learned so many things about these magnificent temples we have been visiting and even learned that the Chinese invented coin money and porcelain (they don't call it China for nothing!). It was very neat and if you get the chance to go to Shanghai, you do *not* want to miss this museum.

We could have spent another couple of hours puttering around and listening to the audio guide but alas, we had to go. So, after packing our souvenirs into 2 more carry-ons than we originally brought, we hopped on the plane back home to get ready for our next adventure in Thailand.

Bonus material: Check out these links for 2 more elephant videos.

The first one is where the soccer-playing elephant missed his first shot. I think he had stage fright.

The second one is the grand finale with all the elephants taking a bow. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SR40A2REXo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0SVvMsVlaY

Shanghai Knights - Part Dos

The next day was a Friday, so Marc went off to work again while I tried my luck at the Jade Buddha Temple. Another temple, another Buddha, more incense and praying. This time, I couldn't take pictures of the jade Buddha but I took plenty of pictures from the other buildings in the monastery:

The jade Buddha was a really pale green statute (made of real jade!) about 1/2 the size of the Buddhas above. Again, there were dozens of tour groups and the throngs of people really got on my nerves.

After my visit to the temple, I met up with Marc and some of his work colleagues for a typical Shanghainese lunch. Joe* asked me what type of food I didn't like (spicy) and then ordered about 6-8 dishes for the table to share. We had sweet pork dumplings, sticky rice sticks, garlic spinach, 2 different kinds of soup and some tiny shrimp. The shrimp were not peeled and had their heads on them! Joe said we were supposed to eat them whole, which Marc readily agreed to do. I, on the other hand, have a problem eating animal heads so I dissected mine before eating them. I'm proud to report that I did try everything (except the shrimp heads) and everything else was delicious! See, I am as adventurous as the next person when it comes to trying new food, but when the menus are in Chinese, I'm scared to order because I don't know if I'm ordering the private parts of a rhinoceros. I was so glad that we had the opportunity to have a Shanghainese Local take us out to lunch and explain what we were eating.

Next up, Marc had some more work to do so I went to Dragonfly (a famous massage spa) for a massage. Sufficiently jellified, I went back to the hotel to plan our evening activities. Even though I had been there the previous day, I knew I had to take Marc back to Old Shanghai. So, that evening, camera in hand, we went back to the old part of town to test the limits of my camera's memory chip. As suspected, Marc LOVED Old Shanghai and we spent hours wandering the alleys, taking pictures and buying local handicrafts.

At night, Old Shanghai was lit up with tiny Christmas lights and it looked absolutely magical:

For dinner, I wanted to take Marc to the Nanxiang Steamed Bun Restaurant which I had read about in Lonely Planet. It was described like this: "Take your place in the queue of regulars trailing from this place opposite the Huxinting teahouse and fill your self up with more than a dozen xiaolongbao for a mere 8 Yuan [about $1 (US)]." The line outside of the ordering window the previous day had about a dozen people and at night, it was double that! With all these Locals lining up to eat these famous steamed pork dumplings, I knew we couldn't leave Shanghai without trying them. So, we stood in line for 20 minutes, saying "these dumplings better be good!" every few minutes. We could see the women who worked at the restaurant diligently making the dumplings by hand but they weren't fast enough to satisfy the hungry salivating customers in line:

When we finally got our order, we sat on some steps nearby and ate our $2 (US) dinner. Those Locals are on to something, this restaurant has been around for over 100 years and I can see (and taste) why. If you are ever in Shangahi, you do not want to miss this cheap culinary treat and experience.

Later that night, we checked into a new hotel in Pudong (the financial district on the other side of the river) and took a cab to the Jimnao Tower which is the tallest building in Shanghai. During the day, tourists go up to the 88th floor observatory but at night, anybody who is anybody, goes to the Cloud 9 Bar on the swanky 87th floor. The view is absolutely incredible and the decor was very posh - cracked glass tables, dim lighting and floor to ceiling windows to enjoy the view. The drinks were expensive but we had saved so much on dinner that we splurged on wine and chocolate fondue. A perfect nightcap on a perfect Shanghai night.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Shanghai Knights - Part 1

Place: Shanghai, China

Language: Mandarin Chinese

Hello: Nĭ hău (knee how)

Thank you: Xièxie (shie shie)

I wish I could say we took Shanghai by storm, but in reality Shanghai took us by storm, literally. It seems that we just can't escape the rain. As you may remember, when we first moved here, Typhoon Pabuk tried to scare us away. Since then, Hong Kong has been under an ever-present cloud. It rains most days and even when it doesn't rain, the sky is hazy and cloudy so you never know if it might rain later. My mental checklist as I head out the door goes like this: Comfy shoes? Check. Purse and keys? Check. Umbrella? Check.

About 2 days before we left, we learned that Typhoon Wipha, one of the worst typhoons to hit China in a decade, was headed straight towards Shanghai. This was also about the same time we heard about a plane crashing in Thailand and killing 67 people because it was trying to land in severe rain. But does the threat of possible death deter us? No, of course not! Well, I say us when I really mean Marc. I was pooping my pants and trying to find ways not to go, but in the end, he convinced me to go.

Luckily, the storm was passing to the south of Shanghai so we weren't in any immediate danger. I just wish someone would have told me that before I boarded the plane. Perhaps I could have spared Marc some pain, but eventually, the blood started circulating back into Marc's hand and I think he has sensation in all of his fingers now.

As soon as we got to the hotel, instead of staying in like normal tourists because it was raining outside, we decide to go to the Bund. The Huangpou River divides Shanghai into 2 regions: Puxi (where we were staying and where all the cool stuff is) and Pudong (the financial district where all the tall buildings are). The Bund the embankment next to the river on the Puxi side (more pictures of that later) and we were just 1 metro stop away from it. So, throwing all caution to the gale force winds blowing outside, we started our trek. Our umbrella blew inside out no less than 20 times and the drizzly rain was not so pleasant. If it had just been wind, not problem. Just drizzly rain, no problem. But both and we felt like those dumb newscasters on the Weather Channel that "go into the storm to bring you live coverage." Luckily, there weren't any palm trees sailing past our heads.

When we got there, guess who had to take 17 pictures with my not-so-waterproof camera? Here is the best one:

Marc has a thing for taking pictures of famous city skylines, in case you can't tell.

So, next on Sabrina's tour of Shanghai was the Bund Underwater Sightseeing Tunnel. According to my trusty Lonely Planet, "there are many ways to get across the river to Pudong but the weirdest has to be the Bund Sightseeing Tunnel where train modules convey speechless passengers through a tunnel of garish lights between the Bund and the opposite shore." I couldn't have put it better myself. Think of a Walt Disney World ride on acid, and you are about half way there. Weird electronic music accompanies your ride past bizarre colorful lights, strobe lights, strange images and even those inflatable wind-propelled skinny men in front of car dealerships with their arms flailing about. I wish I could show you a video but unfortunately we had to delete it to make way for Marc's other 200 pictures. Here is a still shot although it doesn't really do it justice:

You may want to skip this "attraction" the next time you are in Shanghai, unless you are into acid trips.

The next day, Marc went to work and I had to fend for myself. Luckily, I'm pretty adept at getting the hotel concierge to write down tourist destinations for me in Chinese so that I can give it to the taxi drivers. Off to Yuyuan Gardens and Bazaar I went. Not 2 steps out of the cab and the peddlers started in on me. I guess a lone young woman out in the middle of a bazaar is like a steak to a starving lion. Nope, I didn't want "louispradaguccichanel." A quick stop at the Mickey D's for breakfast where I skipped the green bean pie (seriously, who eats this stuff?) and it was off to the old part of town. Now, this is why I came to China:

It was like I stepped into the Epcot Chinese Village except this is where they got their inspiration. I spent the day strolling the Yuyuan Gardens, one of the last remaining examples of a Ming Chinese gardens. There were dozens of tourist groups at the gardens and if the tour guide spoke a language that I understood, I would just hang back and listen for a few minutes before moving on to the next area. That's the great thing about knowing Spanish, it's so similar to the romance languages that I can pick up the gist of what people are saying without actually knowing, for example, Italian. It's neat.

Then, the best part of the day happened right at the end of the garden tour. An older Chinese lady came up to me shaking a poster board of pictures of people in ancient Chinese costumes, big hair pieces and all. "Wanna get chur pick-ture with costume?" Um, what? "Take 5 minute!" This I had to see, so I went into her little booth where she threw a robe and head-piece on me and then shuffled me over to the rock garden. Here is the picture that she took:

I'm also on about 2 dozens tourists' cameras as they all had to take a picture of the Chinese gweilo princess. Lovely. When Marc got back to the hotel that night, he was quite impressed.

Later, I took Marc to a trendy area of town called Xintiandi, it took us about 3 hours to learn how to say it. This new development made to look like an old European town with shops and al frecso dining is in the French Concession area. Apparently, part of Shanghai's history involves the French occupying it at some point in history. We had dinner at one of those stone grill places where you order your meat and they bring it to you on a red hot stone for you to cook. It's like the Melting Pot but without the cheese. The funniest part was when we asked our waitress to take our picture and the Brit behind us decided to be in it:

Well, I'm getting the beginning stages of carpal tunnel, so I will stop for now, but stay tuned for Part 2 (and possibly 3) of our Shanghai adventure. Xie Xie!*

*Xie Xie (pronounced shie shie) means "thank you" in Mandarin Chinese.

Busy Busy Bloggers

It's been quite the whirlwind past few weeks for us. First, Marc had a business trip to Shanghai and I went with him to do some sightseeing while he was working hard. Then, when we got back, we had one day in Hong Kong to unpack, get laundry done, repack and, oh yea, attend Mid-Autumn Festivities. Then, we went to Thailand for a vacation. We went to Ko Tao, a laid-back island known for its world class diving, for the first 2 days. Then, we went to Ko Samui where we went elephant trekking and took a side trip to Ang Thong National Park (where The Beach was filmed). Finally, we spent a whirlwind day in Bangkok.

I've got a ton of stories from Shanghai and Thailand so I'll break them up so you don't get overwhelmed. The pictures, however, are another story. I know many of you are patiently waiting for them, but Mr. Trigger Finger over here took over 400 pictures of Shanghai and Thailand, so I'm having to weed through those and delete a gaggle of pictures, plus caption them all. Any of you wondering what to get us for Christmas might want to think about a bigger memory card for our camera, I'm just saying...

You may be wondering why we took 2 trips so close to each other. The Shanghai trip was business, of course, but Thailand was a real vacation. See, these Hong Kong people are smart, they get the British Christian holidays as well as the Chinese holidays. In total, there are about 20 public holidays! September 25th was Mid-Autumn Festival (although in reality it lasts for 2 weeks) and Marc got Wednesday, the Day after Mid-Autumn Festival, off. Then, another public holiday, National Day (for China) fell on the next Monday, October 1st. So, if he just took 2 vacation days (Thursday and Friday), then he had a 6 day weekend!

During Mid-Autumn Festival, according to the Hong Kong Culture and Tourism Board, "Hong Kong pays homage to the Harvest Moon with a spectacular 15-day Mid-Autumn Lantern Celebration filled with excitement and colour as families and friends gather to eat mooncakes and bask in the glow of the golden orb. This heart-warming celebration is a wonderful blend of ancient Chinese fable, beautifully crafted lanterns, scrumptious food and fun for everyone."

For about a month prior, everyone puts out lanterns in storefronts and even our apartment lobby and gym had a dozen lanterns up. We couldn't lag behind, so I went to the Chinese store and pointed/haggled with the old Chinese lady to get these:

The middle one is a goldfish and the others are just pink and orange lanterns. They even came with little battery powered lights but the battery ran out because I forgot to turn them off one night before going to bed. Hey, at least they weren't lit by candles like the traditional lanterns!

When we got back from Shanghai, there were several Mid-Autumn Festival activities going on, even though the main Hong Kong carnival would occur when we were in Thailand. Since we were pressed on time, we just went to the Tai Hang Fire Dragon Dance. The residents of Tai Hang (a section of town on Hong Kong island) prepare a 67 meter long dragon and stick thousands of incense sticks on it, parading it through the streets of their neighborhood. I took a video:

It was awesome, our first Chinese Festival! Unfortunately, we couldn't take really good pictures because every single person in Hong Kong was in Tai Hang taking pictures of the same thing. We are in an Asian country after all and if it moves, you must take a picture of it. Heck, even if it doesn't move, you take a picture of it while posing in front of it making the peace sign with your fingers.

Then, we went to Victoria Park where the whole park was set up for the Mid-Autumn Festival carnival the next day. There were thousands of lanterns strung up and big lantern scenes depicting different Chinese customs and minorities. The lantern scenes were really elaborate and it made me wish that we could stay and go to the carnival but as it turned out, we had an awesome time in Thailand. Maybe if we are around next year, we'll go see what all the fuss is about. I'm betting they have delicious carnival food like deep-fried fish heads and play games like Pin the Tail on the Gweilo.*

*Gweilo - Chinese slang for a Western male, translates literally as ghost (or pale) fellow, but implies a ghost or devil. Once a derogatory or vulgar term, referring to a Westerner's pale skin, it is not a generic expression devoid of denigration. Think "gringo" but nicer.